Well,here are some of the funniest lines from Quantum leap!
"Don't do anything I wouldn't do. And if you do, take pictures." ~ Al
Al: Well, we been having some difficulty. Ziggy, he's, uh, going through mood swings. I think we need get a girl computer put it right next to him, one with a nice set of *hard* disks.
Sam: You would.
Al: There are five stages of love. The first is denial, then the second is sex, then there's acceptance, then there's divorce... and then there's more sex, if you're lucky.
Sam: Who wrote this textbook, you or Zsa Zsa?
Al: I went over to check out the cheerleaders. Oh, Sam. There was one little girl who had these pommelos, man.
Sam: Pommelos are grapefruit.
Al: Pommel - that's my point!
Sam: Wanna bite? Oh, I'm sorry, you're a hologram.
Al: Do you have any Sweet 'n Low? Or Equal?
Kelly: Sweet 'n low? Equal?
Sam: No, no, no, no, no. They didn't have any artificial sweetner in 1945. Okay?
[Sam looks at Kelly.]
Sam: But boy, did they have women with big kazooms!
Sam: You're not just a bartender.
Bartender Al: That's true. I own the place, too.