I need to get this off my chest

Hi everyone,

<deep breath> I just need to get this off my chest.

You may think that I'm crazy, but sometimes I feel like I'm alone on this message board.

I am generally an lonely girl. Especially when it comes to sci-fi. I always get the mickey taken out of me because of my views on the galaxy.

Life has been very tough on me the last couple of years. I've contracted an illness that is fatal and when it went it came back. I'm still being treated for it as we speak. <sigh> Because of this illness, I am now disabled with improvments begining as long as five years. Although it is not thought that I'd make a full recovery.

Anyway, I would like to take a more active role around here. I'd do any job that is assigned to me. Also I'd like to chat to other people on this board. I've not really chated much to anyone on this board and only know peoples names by their messages.

BTW I love the radio files! They are totally cool! I hope there will be audiations soon!

Oh and one important point is that I don't want anyone to think that I'm telling you about my disability so that you'll feel sorry for me. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

Please feel free to contact me anytime, my MSN is janinehumphreys@hotmail.com

Thanks

Janine aka Janna Galaxy (my leap name):wavey

Hi, Janine. I think I've spoken to you a few times in the past. I know what you mean about feeling alone, both in life and on the board. I haven't really talked about it much here either, but I'll admit it, things don't seem the same here anymore. For whatever reasons, a lot of us don't spend as much time here as we used to. I think a lot of it has to do with real life getting in the way. It seems like ever since 9/11, times have been tough for a lot of people, myself included. You may feel ignored, but I assure you it is not intentional. A lot of us are just very preoccupied with stuff. Personally, I don't really respond to anything here unless I feel like I can make a contribution to the subject at hand. That's generally how I am in real life anyway. I usually just listen to what people have to say, and if I feel I can say something useful, then I do it. Unfortunately, I often feel isolated because of this, since our society seems to pressure people into saying or doing things just for the hell of it. It's like, if you don't conform to what everyone else is doing, you're considered anti-social and subsequently ignored. Sad, but true...

I've already shared this with everyone here, but I'll share it again. I have a learning disability called Attention Deficit Disorder. I'm very easily distracted by things that normally don't bother everyone else. I could hear something like a car horn go by outside and it will suddenly trigger a memory of something similar to it, and then won't leave my head for hours. In order to write, I need absolute silence. Living in New York city, that's almost an oxymoron. There's a television commercial that best describes the condition: it's like a remote control constantly flipping from one channel to the next and you have no control over it. I had it under control for a number of years, but within the past year or 2, it's gotten worse again. My resurgent creativity and writing is probably one reason for it. Ever since I started writing again, my mind has been more chaotic. It's a gift and a damn curse at the same time. I'm only truly happy when I'm thinking of stories and writing or whatever, but my imagination goes in about a million different directions, leaving me scatterbrained. It's a Catch-22...

Another big reason why I'm not as vocal here anymore is because of what happened between me and Yoshihira. You might not know what I'm talking about, so I'll give you a very brief recap: "Andrea" and I had developed a very close relationship for the better part of last year. Everyone here had assumed she was a 23-year old college student living in Chicago, because... well... that's what she told us. I never had any reason to doubt her. So, we flirted for a while and it eventually grew to something more. Neither one of us had planned it that way, it just... happened. Anyway, it all came to a head on New Year's Eve, when she was supposed to meet me here in New York. I found out she was lying about a few things, namely her name and age. Her name is Tracey, and she's actually 10 years younger than she said she was, but very mature for her age. That's how she was able to let everyone believe she was older. She never intended it to spiral out of control like it did, but what's done is done. (I would tell you to go to the Alumni Page to see her picture, but it's not there anymore. Besides that, it wasn't really "her.")

Now, it's been about 2 months. I've moved on... I've forgiven her what she did and I'd still like to be friends with her if and when she decides to come back to Al's Place. I'm being honest about that. The point is, even though she was sincere about her feelings toward me and everyone here was very understanding about the situation and why I had to leave for a while, I'm still extremely adamant about allowing myself to get close to anyone now. I've always been a terribly lonely person as well, and this experience made me realize how much I need someone to love. But in the same sense, I feel like I can't trust anyone I can't physically interact with. I've excluded Al's Place members in that equation, even though logically, I shouldn't. But because I've met Gelfling and have talked with MJ on the phone several times, and since she has also talked with many people here, again, I have no reason to NOT trust anyone.

Initially, I came here because I was lonely. I wanted people to talk to who I felt would make me feel welcome and who I would have more in common with. I have trouble meeting new people in the "real" world because I'm lonely. And I'm lonely because I have trouble meeting people. It's a vicious cycle that I can't seem to get out of. Just know that you're not alone in how you feel. I may feel like an "alien" in this world, but Al's Place always makes me feel like I "belong" here. I hope you can feel the same way too.

Thanks for everyones kind words!

I'm glad that I'm not alone.

I have messages for some people.

MJ : Thanks for your kind words, it would be great to try an acting voice. My accent is british but it is an british accent that not many people have. Except in my area, we always get mistaken for other accents. I was told at Spring Leap in 99 that I sounded Scottish...ooops, I'm wandering off the track. Anyway, I find it easy to change my voice all the time. Also do you remember that a couple of months ago, I posted my first chapter on this website on one of the message boards? Well, I thought that maybe, I could, that if it's aloud don't worry if it's too much of a problem, I don't mind...well, I was thinking I could turn it in to a script. It has had major work done to it since I first started it. It sounds way better now.
Please tell me what you think about it?

:rolleyes

Brian : Thanks for the offer of a job on your brillient website!
I would love to do the trascrisps of the videos. Just tell me what to do. :bow

Damon : I'm sorry about what has happened to you. I was around when *that* happened. I felt that you put your heart and soul in your reply. Looks like you got aload off your chest.

Rod: Thanks, it's great to make a new friend! :wavey

To close I would like to say, if you would like to see what i look like there is a picture of me on this website with all the others.

Talk to y'azs lay'ter (talk to you guys later!)

Janna