Old 11-30-2008, 05:30 AM   #1
jassian
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Smile Please check out the Trailer

This is a trailer for the shortfilm I'm working on.
it still needs music and fine tuning and screams "student production",
but it's already quite viewable.

http://jassian.com/hand-trailer.html

enjoy,
and please let me have the benefit of your feedback.

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Old 11-30-2008, 12:26 PM   #2
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I have something good to say and something negative to say.

A suggestion for improvment was that I had a hard time getting into the trailer. By that, I mean that there wasn't a great deal of excitment during the narraration, and I had a hard time finding why you killed one guy, and who was the spy. I think that once you put in music, you can make for dramatic background music and pauses, like so:

"One man threatened to destroy a corporate empire <music> [The hero(es)] eliminated him, and all was presumed well <music> However, just recently, the President of the company was fatally wounded <music> Now, suspecting a traitor in their midst, [the hero(es)] must stop the disgruntled assailant, still mouring his master's death, before he strikes again.

Have a nice day"

I don't know, just a thought.

The good news, however, is that the actor's scenes looked very interesting, so I'm sure that it would still be a very interesting student film nonetheless. I hope my suggestion helped in some way.
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Old 11-30-2008, 03:31 PM   #3
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From someone who knows nothing about this sort of thing, I think it was good.
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Old 11-30-2008, 08:18 PM   #4
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It's good suggestions, Ohboy, and I'll look at it. Thanks!
Although my style is not spelling things out for the audience, whenever I can help it. So I like to keep things confusing and contradictory, on the surface, although the true events are carefully mapped out and are waiting to be discovered.

i also wanted to go away from the now over established format of .. bla bla bla.. music... bla bla bla.. music .. you know what I mean. I'm kinda sick of it. Hence the news report style.

But you're right, that is hard to balance with keeping the audience's interest. Music should help, I'm currently talking to musicians that might allow me to use their work. I can use some other music for an affordable fee, but would prefer to involve the actual artists as well.

Basically, the voice over is just propaganda, the truth is a different story, even though sometimes just subtly. Does that come across? It's funny that you interpreted the company as the hero's as they are really the villains. So this was very useful feedback. Maybe I can color grade the scenes that are the truth differently than the scenes that are a part of the propaganda annoucement...

Quote:
From someone who knows nothing about this sort of thing, I think it was good.
I'm really glad you liked it
Would it make you interested in watching the whole film?
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Old 11-30-2008, 09:12 PM   #5
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Your welcome. I must say, and this is to your credit, that you can take suggestions and criticism quite well, even from people like me who has never worked in film before in my life. That should help you out a lot when you go on to make professional films.
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Old 11-30-2008, 09:44 PM   #6
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Well truth is, every human being is an expert in movies.
They are meant to stir an emotional response in a person, therefore anyone with emotional responses is qualified to tell me whether it worked or not, as far as I'm concerned.
Of course there are different tastes to take into account.

I am somewhat experimental and don't like some of the established conventions. But some conventions have become established movie 'grammar and vocabulary'. This has always been a bit of a challenge. How do I tell my stories in my own creative way, but still make sure they come across.

Would you mind me asking you a few more questions? It would help me a lot. One is:
Why did you think the Company were the good guys, if so?
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Old 12-01-2008, 11:32 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jassian
Why did you think the Company were the good guys, if so?
After watching the video, it came off that the heroes were coming from the company. The man that you killed was trying to bring ruin to the company, and then the President gets injured, in which case the company comes looking for the one who did it. It was never stated that the Company was evil, since you claim that it was propaganda, so I just assumed that the side was violence was on had to be the bad side.

Does that make sense?
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Old 12-01-2008, 08:04 PM   #8
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Yeah. Hmm... difficult.
A few more questions if you don't mind.

So the president having been injured is a mystery that you feel has to be solved?

How did you interpret the scenes between the Kid and the president?

So how did you interpret the kid being knocked out by the girl?

.. the bouncer having Joe in a choke hold?

Is it clear that the dark haired girl is the new president?

Is it obvious that the line stating that the ozian emloyee was not a traitor is a lie? I was hoping to put in clips that state otherwise. Also "... and helped in our mission" should I show that it is the new president pointing a gun at her head to make clear this isn't quite the truth?


.. how do I show the rebels are the good guys... that's more a question for myself really...
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Old 12-01-2008, 08:26 PM   #9
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Can I say what my feelings on acting are???

Well, seeing bits and pieces of jassians videos, I'd prefer to see them all before I say what I feel, then that would be a fair point of view I'd be giving to jassian.

Well, so far, from what I saw jassian, you're acting is swell, if I may say so

For me, acting is FEELINGS.

Feelings is ACTING.

Without feelings, how can you act?

How can you be convincing???

How can you act angry at someone if you're not???

How can you cry without feeling sad? Or happy for joy?

You cannot get a human response without feelings.

Hmmmmmm......
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Old 12-01-2008, 08:28 PM   #10
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For me, acting is a deep emotional ressponse.

Response to what???

What situation a film places me in.
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Old 12-01-2008, 09:08 PM   #11
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I agree with you , I sure do , mate.


how do you like the trailer?
How do you understand the story if you only see the trailer? What's your impression?
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Old 12-01-2008, 11:03 PM   #12
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I've taken two different acting classes, and have preformed in a few school plays when I was younger. I agree with angvav that acting is feeling. But in a sense, one has to get inside the character that one is portraying. If you can be that character, then you can act as him.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jassian
Yeah. Hmm... difficult.
A few more questions if you don't mind.

So the president having been injured is a mystery that you feel has to be solved?

How did you interpret the scenes between the Kid and the president?

So how did you interpret the kid being knocked out by the girl?

.. the bouncer having Joe in a choke hold?

Is it clear that the dark haired girl is the new president?

Is it obvious that the line stating that the ozian emloyee was not a traitor is a lie? I was hoping to put in clips that state otherwise. Also "... and helped in our mission" should I show that it is the new president pointing a gun at her head to make clear this isn't quite the truth?


.. how do I show the rebels are the good guys... that's more a question for myself really...
1. I would personally like to know why the President was shot, and it should be solved, if not just to tie up loose ends. I would personally, if I were to watch the full video, would want closure on this issue.

2. It appeared to me that the President was holding fire at someone, most likely the middle-aged that was first shown. The "traitor", in the next scene, was holding a gun up at the President, and someone, most likely from the Company, was holding a gun at her.

3. It seemed like the girl was knocked out in the auditorium like area.

4. It seemed to me like Joe was being subdued in an area that he was not supposed to be in, and that the Bouncer was going to escort him out.

5. No, it was not clear, and I wouldn't have known unless you told me. I'm assuming that the dark-haired girl in which you speak is the one with the gun. You may wish to clarify this in some way.

6. That line could have gone either way. It sounded like a lie, though, and you could have easily have thought of it as such.

7. Yes, I think that clarification in this respect would be helpful to the audience.

I hoped I helped in some way. I have one suggestion, in respect to question 5. Perhaps you can show the new President speaking, on a podium or so, and then cut to the scenes. You could make the scene with the President annoucning the story look sinister, making the company already appear evil on a visual sense. Then, you can show her at the end.

By the way, I have one quick question. It is deliberate that everyone in the company is a female? By that, I mean is there symbolism behind it?

Good luck, and I really hope I can see the finished product of your movie. I'm sure it will be wonderful!
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Old 12-02-2008, 12:22 AM   #13
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yes, well observed, in that society males have no standing whatsoever.

I was actually refering to the scenes between the 'old president' and the kid in question 2. Sorry about that.

also 2a, could you hear the line "Our arrangement had better not go this way, for your sake", if so, what did you make of it?
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Old 12-02-2008, 12:09 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jassian
yes, well observed, in that society males have no standing whatsoever.

I was actually refering to the scenes between the 'old president' and the kid in question 2. Sorry about that.

also 2a, could you hear the line "Our arrangement had better not go this way, for your sake", if so, what did you make of it?
2. The only scene I can remember with the former President and the "Kid" was when she bowed, and then turned to leave the scene. It looked like she was discussing something, and then she turned to leave, presumbably to follow orders.

2a. Sorry, but no where in the trailer could I hear that line.

Any more quetsions? It's no trouble to answer them.
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Old 12-02-2008, 09:08 PM   #15
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Thank you, you are helping very much! i am actually going to create another version of the trailer, based on your recommendations!

I meant the 'bedroom scenes', with my character and the character called Luc (that's who I referred to as the kid). What is your impression of their relationship?

(during the lines: unfortunately, my mother, the president of our grand national company was injured lately .. mixed with the line ... our arrangement had better not go that way, for your sake... and is not expected to recover.)
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Old 12-03-2008, 02:05 AM   #16
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To answer the question, quite frankly, it looked like they were lovers.

Watching it again (I've seen that trailor 20 times, now ), I could make out some of the words, so maybe I just can't hear as well as I used to.

I'm flattered that you're making changes by my suggestions. I should say right here that I'm not a professional critic, or a professional actor. I've done school performance acting, but I'm speaking as someone with very limited acting experience. Just thought you should know that.
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Old 12-03-2008, 02:16 AM   #17
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Yep you sure do have to understand the character

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Old 12-03-2008, 03:42 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohboy
To answer the question, quite frankly, it looked like they were lovers.

Watching it again (I've seen that trailor 20 times, now ), I could make out some of the words, so maybe I just can't hear as well as I used to.

I'm flattered that you're making changes by my suggestions. I should say right here that I'm not a professional critic, or a professional actor. I've done school performance acting, but I'm speaking as someone with very limited acting experience. Just thought you should know that.
You're becoming a regular fan by necessity
Interesting conclusions you came to. Well, not too far off, but I sure have
to change a few things. Again I'm not making this for professional actors or professional critics (least of all, really) but for people who enjoy a good story, to which actors and critics are welcome too of course

Quote:
Yep you sure do have to understand the character
i think I still make the mistake of editing with the director's knowledge. I got to edit for someone who doesn't know anything in the beginning.

Back to the drawing board trailer take 2 should be up soon .
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Old 12-03-2008, 09:58 AM   #19
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Here's a showreel mockup while you're waiting. Especially sound will need to be fixed up
Apparently it's quite common to use copyrighted music, so I should be able to get away with it

http://jassian.com/video/JN%20Showreel%20mockup.wmv
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Old 12-03-2008, 11:54 AM   #20
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The mock reel gave me a different approach to how the movie is going to be. I think this will be a great film upon completion of the final draft.

Can't wait to see Trailor 2.0!
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Old 12-03-2008, 06:59 PM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ohboy
I hoped I helped in some way. I have one suggestion, in respect to question 5. Perhaps you can show the new President speaking, on a podium or so, and then cut to the scenes. You could make the scene with the President annoucning the story look sinister, making the company already appear evil on a visual sense. Then, you can show her at the end.
Forgot to tell you *L* This was the original concept for the shortfilm !
I'm really happy that you got this image in your mind. Although I was planing to make them 'suspiciously friendly' rather than sinister. And I wanted the actress to obviosly lie. It would show better with footage.

So yeah, I had a big press conference scene planned, booked out a lot of really amazing looking mics (microphones) tried to get camera flashlights in and the mugshorts were meant to be a power point presentations.
The rest of the film was meant to be the new president's flashback.
Then I had serious location and time issues. and the whole scene had to go.

There is the footage from getting the voice over, I may be able to use some of that.. although I do have a mic in shot. Which could work but it's got a windsock on... i'm also kinda stuck t the soundbits I've got for the vouceover, but I can move things around.

Quote:
The mock reel gave me a different approach to how the movie is going to be.
*G* Yep, I think the relationship between Luc and the old President is much clearer. I think I'll use a cut similar to that that for the trailer.


2.0 coming up hopefully later (my) today
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Old 12-03-2008, 07:23 PM   #22
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I liked how the film was edited and put together with the voice over but on the flip side ..I've done a little film work. Wish I could say what to do but you'd know better than me. The background noises, some felt like they should be there and the rest shouldn't. It's odd sound wise but I'm sure some one could fine tune what's going on with it.

By the way ever feel like doing a little acting gig that didn't pay but would give you a little exposure? I've been itching for ages for some one to act out a scene or two in front of the camera for the series I write. I'll post it to my site if you'll do it?
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Old 12-04-2008, 06:05 AM   #23
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Quote:
Originally Posted by systemcat
I liked how the film was edited and put together with the voice over but on the flip side ..I've done a little film work. Wish I could say what to do but you'd know better than me. The background noises, some felt like they should be there and the rest shouldn't. It's odd sound wise but I'm sure some one could fine tune what's going on with it.
You're completely right, it needs a bit of sound post. I can probably noise reduce it quite a bit. it was a rather rough edit (and please feel free to tell me what you think, I'm still learning and I can't learn without help )

Quote:
By the way ever feel like doing a little acting gig that didn't pay but would give you a little exposure? I've been itching for ages for some one to act out a scene or two in front of the camera for the series I write. I'll post it to my site if you'll do it?

I'd love to!
Asking an actor if they want to act is a bit like asking a fish if they want to swim.
If you're happy with static shots and a simple camcorder quality shot, that can probably be done on very short notice. Will also depend on how many actors you need. (depending on when you need it I could go to DVcam quality and get someone for camera and do some nice lighting )

What's the scenes?
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Old 12-04-2008, 06:15 PM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jassian
You're completely right, it needs a bit of sound post. I can probably noise reduce it quite a bit. it was a rather rough edit (and please feel free to tell me what you think, I'm still learning and I can't learn without help )




I'd love to!
Asking an actor if they want to act is a bit like asking a fish if they want to swim.
If you're happy with static shots and a simple camcorder quality shot, that can probably be done on very short notice. Will also depend on how many actors you need. (depending on when you need it I could go to DVcam quality and get someone for camera and do some nice lighting )

What's the scenes?

Wow, thanks a billion, I've been wanting some one to do acting work since Dec. '06. The series is sci fi and since I don't know what resources you have on hand I thought I'd pick scenes that didn't involve special effects or heavy makeup. I have three scenes in mind that come from different episodes or stories. You can pick which ones you what to do, all involve needing more people cast or if you feel you can take on multiple characters. If you like doing this I'll be more than happy to let you and your buddies adapt whole episodes to film. Would you like the scenes to be posted here or PMed to you?

Also I'll add a link to your site with the film when it's posted.
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Old 12-04-2008, 08:11 PM   #25
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Wow cool

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