Path: cronkite.cisco.com!ames!tulane!spool.mu.edu!uwm.edu!srvr1.engin.umich.edu!hellgate.utah.edu!csn!magnus.acs.ohio-state.edu!usenet.ins.cwru.edu!po.CWRU.Edu!eah4 From: eah4@po.CWRU.Edu (Elizabeth A. Hlabse) Newsgroups: alt.ql.creative Subject: The Three Doctors, Part 7 Date: 17 Jan 1993 16:49:51 GMT Organization: Case Western Reserve University, Cleveland, OH (USA) Lines: 188 Message-ID: <1jc2nfINNrkr@usenet.INS.CWRU.Edu> Reply-To: eah4@po.CWRU.Edu (Elizabeth A. Hlabse) NNTP-Posting-Host: slc5.ins.cwru.edu ....and it finally continues..... "What do you mean they've gone to Vegas for the weekend?" Sam was livid. How could Al have done this? They had a large reception this weekend and all the committee members and other selected guests were going to be arriving soon and they were expecting to see the Admiral as well as himself. Gooshie just shrugged his shoulders. "Peri said it was her idea." "Hah!" was Sam's responce. "I know Al better than that. I'm positive it was all his idea. He hates these things and this is just a way for him to get out of it." Although it wasn't the easiest thing to do, Sam was actually pacing in the small office in his wheelchair. Back and forth over the same spot and Gooshie was beginning to wonder how long it would take for grooves to form in the tile from the repeated movement over the same spot. "Get him back, Gooshie. I don't care how you do it, just get him back here." "Dr. Beckett, you don't even know what hotel they'll be staying at, and besides, it would do him a world of good. He hasn't had a real vacation since you first started Leaping." "He told me he went on weekends to Vegas all the time while I was Leaping," Sam countered, a suspicious look on his face. He nodded to the Doctor who had just walked into the office. "The Admiral hardly ever left the Project once we realized that we weren't able to retrieve you, Dr. Beckett. No mattter how hard she tried, neither Dr. Beeks or Peterson could get him to go away for more than 24 hours at a time." Sam looked surprised. He hadn't realized how much Al had given up when he was Leaping through time. "All those weekends he talked about; all the different women..." "Were just something to make you think that he hadn't given up on his own life," was the quiet responce. "Well, almost all of them, anyway. There were a few...." Gooshie smiled, thinking of some of the women who had spent more than a weekend with the Admiral. The Doctor spoke up from where he was now sitting. "It would also be good for Peri. She's been cooped up here for quite a while and when we ate travelling, there is always a good chance that we may land in a dangerous situation. And you said that she's safe with Al. Let them have their weekend, Dr. Beckett." The Doctor picked up one of the many scientific journals that Sam had littered around the office he shared with Al and began to casually leaf through it. Sam just looked at the two different men disgustedly. The problem was that he hated official receptions as much as Al did and he was wishing that he had come up with the idea to abscome from the complex first. "Oh, all right, Gooshie. Al can have his weekend, but when he gets back there is going to be hell to pay for this." "Of course, Dr. Beckett," Gooshie said, quickly exiting the room. He was very glad that the Doctor had shown up when he did and that he had gotten out of something he didn't want to do. Besides, he never again wanted to disturb one of the Admiral's weekends. Once Gooshie had left the office, Sam turned to confron the Doctor who was casually reading an article that seemed to have caught his attention. "Less than three hours ago you were worried about Peri and Al being together and now you don't seem to be worried in the least. What made you change your mind about him?" "YOu did, Sam, remember?" the Doctor answered, lying the journal on the table next to him. "And I also talked to Verbena about Al and she told me essentially the same thing you did. There's a lot hidden beneath the exterior of your friend. I was just going over some of the observations he had written down about your travels and how much some of the things you had to do hurt him." "You mean Beth," Sam whispered, looking down. That had to have been one of the hardest things he had ever done. And he was ashamed to admit, probably one of the most selfish.He knew that if Al and Beth had been together, his and Al's friendship may never have developed in the way it had. May never have been at all. "Actually, no, not that at all. He understood why you did that, probably more than you realize," the Doctor answered, not willing to allow Sam to wallow is self pity. "I was thinking more about hte times when you had to take someone's life. That is the worst think any individual can ever have to do. I've had to face that decision more times than you can possible imagine and it is not something that I ever want to do again, but I know that I will." The Doctor looked inward to see the many beings that he had seen die, and the deaths that he considered to be his fault. "Sam, many years ago, I was sent back in time by my own people to stop one of the most evil races in the universe from being developed. They are called Daleks and I hope you never have to face them. The man who developed them programmed then without emotion, totally ruthless. The only thing they are programmed for is destruction; the total annihilation of the human race. With one move, I could have stopped then; made it so that they never existed and saved millions of lives. And I couldn't do it. I could not commit genocide. Quite recently, I was face to tace with their creator again. I could have kille dhim, but I didn't, and I don't think there is any creature in teh entire universe that deserves death more than Davros, but I couldn't be judge, jury and executioner. Yes, I have killed in the past, and I will probably do so in the future, but that doesn't stop me from wishing that I never have to." The Doctor looked up at Sam who had remained silent throughout his speech and saw the sam hurt in his eyes that he knew was showing in his. "I remember the first time I killed someone," Sam said softly. "I had Leaped into a police detective on his honeymoon. His wife had divorced her first husband and he wanted her back. He nearly killed me, but instead I killed him. I looked him straight in the eyes as he died and he told me that it would be easier the next time." Sam returned the Doctor's direct gaze. And, God help me, he was right. Each time I had to kill, it got a little easier. And that makes me sick to my stomach." Tears had begun to form at the corners of Sam's eyes. This was something he had now allowed himself to do before, and it had been worrying Verbena Beeks. So much so, in fact, that she had talked to the Doctor and Al about it. The Doctor sat silently, hoping Sam would allow all of the grief to flow and not bottle it up. "Doctor, how do you live with it? How do you..." Sam's tears were flowing freely and he tried to choke back the sobs that were forcing their way through is constricted throat. "Damn..." "I live with it because I must," the Doctor answered softly, coming over to crouch nect to Sam's chair. "Any person who has had to kill must. You can either hold it in and let it eventually kill your emotions or you can grieve for those you have killed, even your enemies, and then live on. I think you've chosen the correct path, Sam." Th eDoctor stayed next to Sam as he grieved for all the people he had killed in his Leaping, remembering each face and the circumstances behind their deaths. As he did so, Sam realized that each death had been to save another individual or to save his own life. Never once had he taken a life for the sake of killing and the realization helped. When the sobbing began to lessen, the Doctor reached for the box of tissues that he had seen on the desk and handed it to Sam. After a moment, Sam regained his composure and smiled at the Doctor. "How many times have you gone through this, Doctor?" he asked, his voice sounding slightly constricted still. HE pushed his way into the bathroom that was attached to the office to wash his face as the Doctor answered. "Too often and not often enough, Sam," was the quick reply. He heard the water splaching and spoke a little louder so that Sam could hear him. "You may want to speak to Dr. Beeks about this, Sam. She's been worried about you." "Yeah, I know," Sam said as he wheeled back into the office. His eyes were still glassy and red, but he looked a lot less tense than he had ten minutes earlier. "She's been trying to get me to open up ever since I got back. I just couldn't talk to her about it, but I will elt her know that I think I got it all out of my system. I probably would have broke down with Al, had he been here. Thanks for substitting for him, Doctor." "My pleasure, Sam." The Doctor got up and moved to leave the office. "I received the last of the vacuum tubes yesterday and I want to try them in the TARDIS. I would like it if you would lend me a hand with the tests." "I'll be with you in a bit, Doctor," Sam replied. I have a few things left to do here and then I'm going to talk with Verbena. But as soon as I can, I'll come to the lab." Sam watched as the Doctor closed the door behind him and than turned back to him computer keyboard. He finished the last paragraph on the report he was working on, hit the save button and then turned the computer off. Before he left, he looked at the pictures he had dislayed behind his desk, focusing on two of the pictures. Both had Al in them, but they were vastly different and he now realized why they were so different. THe first was a copy of the one that had been on the mantle of Beth's house. A young Al who had not yet seen war; who had not spent years as a prisoner fo the VC. The second picture was of him and Al at the Starbright Project. This Al had more lines in his face and an almost haunted look in the eyes that had slowly lessened over the years tha Sam had known him. Sam had once asked him what had caused the change and Al had refused to answer. 'I know what changed you now, Al,' he said to himslef, 'because the same thing has caused me to change as well. I wouldn't wish this on anyone, Al.' And with that, Sam left his office in search of Verbena. He had a lot to talk to her about before he joined the Doctor. to be continued....... -- Beth Hlabse eah4@po.CWRU.Edu Assistant Sysop The Science Fiction and Fantasy Sig (GO SCIFI) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If all the beasts were gone man would die from a great lonliness of the spirit.