"Play Ball"
I think I'll have a BLT for lunch.
-- Al, after watching Sam walk the pig, "Play Ball"

This could be messier than I thought.
-- Al, "Play Ball"

You know the rules, the one who screws up babysits Milo.  You did, so you do.
Not another pig.
-- the baseball coach and Sam, "Play Ball"

I don't want to sleep with her.  She gives me the creeps.
-- Sam, "Play Ball"

Why does everything have to be treated like a woman?
-- Sam, "Play Ball"

It better be possible--or else you'll be spending the rest of your life holding the line to the swine.
-- Al to Sam, "Play Ball"

[Doc] hit the skids and drank himself to death.
It seems to be an epidemic.
-- Al and Sam (regarding Chuckie), "Play Ball"

I don't know whether I like him or not, he reminds me of somebody, ya know?
-- Sam, "Play Ball"

It's a good thing you're better in bed then you are at running bases.
-- Margaret to Sam, "Play Ball"

Hey, what's the Dragon Lady want?
She just wanted to talk to me about my 'performance'.
-- Chuckie and Sam, "Play Ball"

There's something magical about a baseball diamond.  No matter how old you get, it still makes you feel like a kid.
-- Al, "Play Ball"

Starting pitcher.  I had the lowest earned run average in the league.
Is there anything you haven't done?
No ... wait, there's these twins at the fitness center ...
-- Al and Sam, "Play Ball"

It's right here in yellow and pink.  And green, and blue, and orange, and purple . . .
-- Al, "Play Ball"

I thought we had an understandin', Doc.
Oh, I don' know.
I help you ... you help me.
-- Margaret and Sam, "Play Ball"

That's fine if it's a hand grenade, but it's baseball.  You've got to treat it like a woman.
Why does everything come down to being a woman with you?
-- Al and Sam, "Play Ball"

He looks like a very fine man.
He used to dress up in my underwear and pretend to be Judy Garland.
-- Sam and "Old Lady" Tully about her husband, "Play Ball"

I know you, Sam.  You're terminally good.
-- Al, "Play Ball"

I oughta deck you.
Go ahead, I probably deserve it.
You ain't worth it.
-- Chuckie and Sam, "Play Ball"

What are you so interested in this kid for anyway?
Cause he reminds me of you.
What?
Remember the first time we met, Al?  You were on the Starbright Project ... and uh ... I came into the lab and you were smashing the vending machine with a hammer.
Oh ... ah ... It ate my dime.
Yeah.  You were drunk and angry and the government wanted to wash you out of the project completely, but I stopped them because I knew that underneath all that booze and that anger was a pretty terrific person.
-- Al and Sam, "Play Ball"

Sir, please?  Can this wait till after the game?
The United States Immigration Department doesn't wait for anybody.
This is BASEBALL.
And this is a warrant.
-- Coach and INS officer, "Play Ball"

Okay, but you'd better be go-od.
-- "Old Lady" Tully, agreeing to let "Doc" pitch, "Play Ball"

You got a dangerous weapon, kid, and a brain would make it lethal.
How would you like to have one, courtesy of the New York Yankees?
-- Yankee's talent scout to Chuckie, "Play Ball"

I could use a pitching coach with those kind of smarts.
Are you offering me a job in the majors?
-- Yankee's talent scout and Sam, "Play Ball"

I'd have been in a lot of trouble here if Doc hadn't made that leap.
You can say that again kid!
-- Chuckie and Al, "Play Ball"

Where'd you learn to slide like that?
I saw Pete Rose try it once.
Who?
-- Chuckie and Sam, "Play Ball"

You gotta stop sliding in head first.
-- Coach to Sam, "Play Ball"

I've heard about the way you treat women, the thangs you do.
'Thangs'?  What 'thangs'?
-- Bunny and Al, "Play Ball"

Oh Billy!
Oh boy.
-- Bunny and Billy (who walked in at the wrong time), "Play Ball"

He's out!
-- the ump as Sam tries to slide home, "Play Ball"

Billy, clean up the pig, it's a mess.
-- Coach, "Play Ball"

Squeeeeeeeeeeeeel!
That's the hand link - it's been acting up lately.
-- Ziggy and Al, "Play Ball"

If you could spend ugly, you'd be a rich man.
-- Chuckie, "Play Ball"

So you think this kid is a terrific person too?
I don't know, but I think he deserves a chance to find out, don't you?
-- Al and Sam, "Play Ball"

I knew this would happen, he's completely forgotten why he's here.
-- Al, "Play Ball"