"The Play's the Thing"
<Quantum leaping through time I've leapt into an electric chair, gunfights and a variety of handcuffs, it looks like I finally rated a cushy time.>  Thank you.
Thank YOU.
-- Sam and the older woman, "The Play's the Thing"

What am I here for?  Jane doesn't die, does she?
Oh, no, it's much worse than death.  In two days she goes home.
Home?  Do I go--Does Joe go with her?
No, she spends the rest of her life alone ...
Alone?
Without love ...
Without love?
in CLEVELAND.
-- Sam and Al, "The Play's the Thing"

Oh boy.
You can say that again.
-- Jane and Sam, "The Play's the Thing"

You are so far out.  It's really intense watching you.
I know just what you mean!
I didn't know your mother was coming.
Mother? <kisses Sam>
Mother?  Every guy should have a mother like that!  That is if she's your mother. ... I *hope* she's not your mother!
-- Petra, Jane and Al, "The Play's the Thing"

What?  Tell the truth?  No!
-- Ted, "The Play's the Thing"

I found their performances ... moving.
Oh yeah, they moved all right ... and jiggled and flapped a bit.
-- Liz and Neal, about the nude performance of Hamlet,  "The Play's the Thing"

The only thing that sags on her is her morals.
-- Jane, about Petra, "The Play's the Thing"

Boxer Boy - Lasts a lifetime plus 10 years.
-- Advertising slogan, "The Play's the Thing"

These are desperate times.  The competition is fierce and we're getting lost in the shuffle.  I'm sorry to tell you this, but tonight will be the last performance.  Unless we are willing to make drastic changes immediately.
Like what?
Do you trust me?
Absolutely.
All right.  We must be courageous, we must be innovative.  We must be . . . NUDE!
-- The director and Sam, "The Play's the Thing"

Joe thinks I have a great career ahead of me.
So do I.  I mean I do.
-- Jane and Sam, "The Play's the Thing"

Joe is the best thing that's happened to me in a long, long time.
Please be happy for me.
I want to Jane, I really do.  But, it's just that I always pictured you with someone who was old enough to vote.
-- Jane and Liz, "The Play's the Thing"

He's 25 and he's voted in every presidential election since...uh...
Ford and Carter.
Who are they?
Nixon and McGovern.  I don't know what I was saying.
Darling, Nixon ran against Hubert Humphrey last year.  You've been voting since the Johnson/Goldwater election.
Yeah, I voted for Johnson and Goldwater.
-- Jane, Sam and Neil, "The Play's the Thing"

Maybe he just likes her voice, it is possible, you know.
Yes, yes, so's my dancing Swan Lake in a tu-tu but highly unlikely.
-- Liz and Neil, "The Play's the Thing"

"To be, or not to be.  That is the question"
And the answer is that this guy should be in a straightjacket.
-- the Director and Al, "The Play's the Thing"

Sam, I know Jane is attractive, but don't you think maybe she's a little, uh, long in the tooth for you?
Her teeth look just great to me!
No, no, no... I mean don't you think she's more right for me?
No.  She's much to sophisticated for you.
-- Al and Sam, "The Play's the Thing"

Joe... he doesn't go on as Hamlet.  The play gets cancelled and there's agents in the audience so he blows his big break and his life goes down hill from there and he becomes an extra in movies and he goes into real estate.
-- Al (sound like anyone we know?), "The Play's the Thing"

Some dreams are supposed to say up in the clouds.
What are you talking about?  You can never give up on your dreams.
-- Al and Sam, "The Play's the Thing"

When you left, Cleveland lost it's prettiest girl.
When you left, Cleveland lost it's biggest liar.
-- Ted and Jane, "The Play's the Thing"

Wow, Nehru jackets are so sexy!
-- Petra, "The Play's the Thing"

<The only way to make a good impression was to show them that I was a good actor.  However, no matter how hard I tried, only one thought kept running through my mind:  "Did people throw rotten vegetables at bad actors in the '60s?">
-- Sam, "The Play's the Thing"

This is 1969. Everybody was nude on the stage: Oh Calcutta!, Hair, all that stuff.    Come on, don't be a prude, now get out there!
-- Al, to Sam, previously referred to as "The Prude Prince", "The Play's the Thing"

I'm proud of Joe, what he did took courage.
Or drugs.  LOTS of them.
-- Jane and Neil, "The Play's the Thing"

I have never been so totally and completely humiliated in my life.
What are you complaining about?  You should be proud.  That audience was riveted.
Oh please.
It was like they were watching a car wreck.  Like it was horrible, but you were too fascinated to look away.
Thank you. Thank you for your support.
-- Sam and Al, "The Play's the Thing"

You see, we're looking for the new "Boxer Boy". You know, Boxer Boy underwear, "Lasts a lifetime plus ten years."
Yah, hey, I still got a pair of those.
-- Bob and Al, "The Play's the Thing"

Ziggy said drastic, not overboard.  You're shooting down Joe's whole life here.
-- Al, "The Play's the Thing"

You're lucky he didn't give you a flying noodle kick, you nozzle!
-- Al to Ted, "The Play's the Thing"

Nobody knows what the future holds.  I could be dead tomorrow.  Or we could live together for the next 50 years.  Take a chance.
-- Sam, "The Play's the Thing"

There were some nice things on that stage.  As a matter of fact there were two nice things.
Hi!
Petra, hi.
-- Al, Petra and Sam, "The Play's the Thing"

Sam, I don't believe you!
Al, I thing I lost Jane.
You lost Jane?  You've lost your *mind*, kicking out that beautiful Ophilia with nothin on.
-- Al and Sam, "The Play's the Thing"

You can never give up on your dreams.
-- Sam, "The Play's The Thing"

You're lucky he didn't give you a flying noodle kick, you nozzle!
-- Al, "The Play's The Thing"