From: Coast2C@aol.com
Date: Tue, 30 Apr 1996 21:29:05 -0400
Message-ID: <960430212757_387225340@emout15.mail.aol.com>
Subject: Convergence:  Part 19 of 25

Convergence
by
Dana Anderson

Part 19 of  25      (Author's Notes and Disclaimer found in Part 1) 

*               *               *               * 

The next morning Al went through his morning routine as quietly as 
possible so as not to disturb Jenna.  She woke just as he was about to 
leave his quarters.  Al sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Get a couple more hours of sleep" he said.  "I'll come back before 
lunch and check on you.  If you're up to it, we can have lunch 
together."  *And if you're not,* Al thought to himself, *I'll take you 
back to the infirmary myself.*

"Aye, aye, sir" Jenna replied good-naturedly and closed her eyes 
again.

*               *               *               * 

Sam came into the cafeteria shortly after Al sat down with his 
breakfast.  When he had collected his own meal, Sam walked over 
and sat down.

"Where's Jenna?" Sam asked.

"Still sleeping," Al answered between sips of coffee.  "I told her to 
stay in bed and I'd check on her before lunch."

Sam stopped a spoonful of cereal halfway to his mouth and returned 
it to the bowl in front of him.  "What's wrong that I'm not supposed 
to know about?"

Al was grateful for the opportunity to unload.  "She's even weaker 
than you think, Sam.  She can't stand up for more than a minute or 
two without getting dizzy."

Sam was more alarmed by the anxious look on Al's face than he was 
by the description of Jenna's symptoms.  Al was not the sort to be 
worried about nothing.  In fact, it was sometimes difficult to get him 
to be serious when he should be.

"Vision or hearing problems?" Sam asked.

Al nodded in surprise.  "Both.  She says they fade in and out.  She 
also said she keeps misjudging distances and drops things she thinks 
she's holding firmly."

"And just when did she make you aware of these symptoms?" Sam 
asked severely.

"A few minutes after we got back to my quarters" Al confessed.  "I 
know I should have called you right away, Sam," Al said in response 
to Sam's indignant stare.  "But Jen was afraid to spend the night 
alone in the infirmary."

"Afraid?" Sam was taken aback.

Al nodded miserably.  "She had nightmares last night, too.  Three or 
four, at least that's how many times I woke up.  Look, Sam, I want to 
do what's best for her; you know I do.  It's just that I'm not sure what 
that is.  How will she be any better off in sick bay if she's scared 
to...," he stopped short of completing the figure of speech "well, 
scared."

Sam considered this.  It was true that a patient's mental condition 
was extremely important in surviving an illness or injury and 
sometimes even more crucial when they were in recovery.  Sam had 
already formed a hypothesis as to the cause of Jenna's condition and 
also the source of her nightmares.  If he was right, Dr. Ambrose 
didn't have all the information he needed for a proper diagnosis.  
Unfortunately, Sam couldn't tell the other doctor what had happened 
to her.  He also knew enough about Al's past to understand that he 
would be sympathetic with her fear of being alone and in a medical 
facility.

"How about if I come with you when you go to check on her?" Sam 
suggested.  "It might not be necessary to subject her to Dr. 
Ambrose's care, and vice versa."

"Thanks, Sam" Al said, heaving a sigh of relief.

*               *               *               * 

When they arrived at Al's quarters at eleven thirty, Jenna was not 
there.  They walked next door and Al knocked.  Jenna opened the 
door and did not seem overly surprised to see Sam along with Al.  
She turned and walked back into the living room and Sam followed 
her while Al shut the door.

"How are you feeling today?" Sam asked.

"Much better" Jenna replied.

"Let's see how much better" Sam said.  He had her perform several 
tests of balance and coordination, then had her grip his hands as 
hard as she could.  Sam was cautiously pleased with the results.  She 
was stronger and had better control over her body than she had the 
day before.

"How about your eyesight and hearing?" Sam asked.  "Still having 
problems?"

Jenna hesitated for only a moment.  "Yes, but not as frequently or 
for as long as before."

Sam nodded.  "Good."  Sam looked from Jenna to Al, then back 
again.  "I think all these problems are associated with your last leap.  
We can't tell Dr. Ambrose about that, so he isn't going to be able to 
diagnose your condition properly.  But," he said, and held up a 
warning finger "if you're not completely honest with me from now 
on about your condition and I find out about it, I won't have any 
choice but to make sure you get constant medical supervision until 
you recover completely."  He waited until Jenna made eye contact 
with him.

"I understand, Sam.  I'm sorry I didn't trust you in the first place" 
Jenna apologized.

"Okay," Sam said, satisfied.  "Could I use your bathroom?  I want to 
wash up before we go to lunch."

Jenna nodded and Sam left the room.  Al, who had been leaning 
silently against the wall to the entry way since they had arrived, 
came over and sat down on the couch next to Jenna.  He didn't look 
at her at first, he just sat there rubbing his hands on his knees and 
looking at the floor.  Jenna reached over and put a hand on top of 
one of his.

Al looked up at her face.  "I'm sorry" he said.  "I know you were 
trusting me to keep my mouth shut, but I was really worried about 
you."

Jenna smiled at him.  "I'm not mad" she said.  "And I wasn't 
trusting you to 'keep your mouth shut'; I was trusting you to do what 
you thought was right."

Al reached out and embraced her, considerably eased in his mind 
about her condition and relieved that she was not angry that he had 
discussed her with Sam without her knowledge.  As he started to 
kiss her, he heard Sam return, somewhat noisily to the room.

"For pete's sake" Sam groused.  "I can't leave you two alone for a 
minute.  I distinctly recall saying 'No strenuous activity', or was I 
talking to myself?"

Al and Jenna moved their faces away from one another, but 
remained in an embrace.  They looked at Sam, standing three feet 
behind the couch with his hands on his hips and shaking his head at 
them.  Al and Jenna looked back at each other.

"Not very subtle, is he?" Jenna remarked.

"No," Al agreed "and he's got the worst timing of anyone I've ever 
met."

"Stop talking about me like I'm not here" Sam complained.  "I am 
here and I'm starving.  Let's go have lunch."

*               *               *               * 

Jenna went first through the lunch line and started looking for a 
table.  Sam turned to Al.  "Well, if she was mad at you for spilling 
the beans to me she sure got over it quickly" he said.

"She wasn't mad" Al replied.  "She said she trusted me to do the 
right thing."

"Very understanding of her" Sam approved.

"Jen is an exceptional woman" Al concluded, and walked toward the 
table Jenna had chosen.

Sam gazed thoughtfully at Al as he walked away and then moved to 
joined them.  He sat down and the three of them began their lunch.

"I looked over the designs for the changes you made to the power 
plant and the communications platform" Sam said to Jenna.  "Very 
impressive."

"Thanks" Jenna said.

"What are you working on now?" Sam asked.

"Nothing" Jenna replied.  "My last project was the retrieval 
program."

"Do you have any ideas about what you'd like to work on next?" Sam 
inquired.

Jenna looked Sam in the eye and nodded.  "I'd like to dismantle 
Ziggy down to component level and then nuke this entire place until 
it's nothing but a pile of rubble.  How does that fit in with your 
plans?" she asked calmly.

Sam and Al exchanged shocked looks.  Sam swallowed a couple of 
times.  "Not very well" he finally managed to say.  "I was hoping 
you would help me find the error in Ziggy's programming."

"I was afraid of that" Jenna responded.  "I'll have to think about it, 
Sam."

"Fair enough" Sam said.  "Just don't start taking Ziggy apart while 
you're thinking" he cautioned.

"And don't bother putting any procurement forms for plutonium on 
my desk" Al said.  "I won't sign them.  It's way too expensive."

"By the way," Sam said "I think you two should be the first to know 
that I'm putting the project on standby.  Everyone thinks Jenna was 
injured by an unexpected discharge of unknown properties and 
origin.  I'm using that as an excuse for a complete overhaul.  With 
most of the staff on leave or temporarily reassigned to other projects 
I should be able to find time to go through every line of 
programming Ziggy's got in that mixed up brain of hers."

"How long are you talking about, Sam?" Al asked.

"Somewhere between three and six months" Sam replied.

"A one hundred per cent margin for error isn't exactly what I'd call 
pinning down a time frame" Al remarked.

"No," Sam said "But I don't know how much help I'm going to 
have."  Sam looked at Al and then at Jenna.  Al looked at her as 
well.

Jenna looked up from her meal and saw the two of them regarding 
her.  "I said I'd think about it" she said.

Their conversation shifted to a variety of other topics until Sam and 
Jenna hit on one they could really get into; the merits of listening to 
music while working.  Jenna was horrified to learn that Sam favored 
songs from Broadway musicals.  Al told Sam about the incident in 
the power substation and Sam tried to use it as an example to 
support his argument.  Jenna stood firm and Al enjoyed watching 
two geniuses battle it out over the comparative benefits of the likes 
of Rodgers and Hammerstein and The Rolling Stones.

Dr. Beeks came in and accepted Al's offer of a chair.  She arrived 
when the battle had already been joined and listened without 
offering any voice of her own for a few minutes.  Finally she turned 
to Al.  "I don't know why I ever sit at a table with any combination 
of the two of you, let alone all three.  It always makes me feel as 
though I'm failing miserably at my job."

"Go on," Al encouraged her in a comforting voice.  He leaned his 
chin on one fist in a stereotypical psychiatrist's pose.  

"Oh, stop it," Dr. Beeks said, giving Al a push on the shoulder.  Al 
just laughed.  "I think I'll find some sane people to eat with" the 
psychiatrist decided.  "I swear the only reason you ever invite me to 
join you is to see how quickly you can get my goat."  She rose, 
picked up her tray and walked away.

Sam and Jenna's argument was interrupted by Dr. Beeks departing 
declaration.  Jenna looked at Al.  "If she's right," Jenna observed 
"that must have been a new record."

"Not even close" Al replied.

"Well," Sam said, looking at his watch "I'd better get back to work.  
You" he said, pointing at Jenna "should take it easy for the rest of 
the day.  Your appointment with Dr. Ambrose is at ten tomorrow 
morning.  We can talk about your going back to work after he has a 
look at you."  He started to clear the table and Al rose to help, they 
both motioned to Jenna to remain seated.  As they walked toward 
the kitchen with the trays of dirty plates, Al turned to Sam.

"I think I'll take the rest of the day off.  I want to have a talk with 
Jen" Al said.

Sam nodded.  "It might be easier for her to talk about her 
nightmares in broad daylight."

"My thoughts exactly" Al agreed.

*               *               *               * 

Al and Jenna returned to her quarters.  Jenna made some tea and Al 
carried the tray out to the living room.  When they had settled on the 
couch, Al turned to her.

"Tell me," Al said.  "I'm listening."

Jenna began slowly.  She told him about her doubts regarding 
Ziggy's predictions for the probable success of the retrieval effort, 
the long hours of calculating the odds by hand and the emotional 
turmoil in which she found herself when she had finished her 
analysis.

"At which point," Al interrupted "you decided I need not be 
informed of the potential for a negative result in the retrieval 
attempt."

"I couldn't be sure my calculations were correct" Jenna explained 
"and it would have been useless to run them through Ziggy.  Also, 
there was no guarantee that I would ever be able to find the error in 
Ziggy's programming.  Sam is much more familiar with the 
parameters and details of the program."

"So you gambled, with your life, that Sam would be retrieved 
successfully and he would be able to get you back" Al concluded.

"Yes" Jenna admitted.

"I know you didn't want to put me in the position of choosing 
between you and Sam, but don't do me any more favors like that, 
okay?" Al said.

"I'm hoping we'll never find ourselves in a similar situation, but 
you've got my word I won't keep anything like that from you again." 
Jenna replied.

"Thank you" Al said.  He took a deep breath and went on carefully.  
"What, exactly, happened when we ran the retrieval program?"

Jenna poured herself another cup of tea and stared into the liquid for 
a few minutes.  Al waited patiently.  He knew this was going to be 
difficult for her to discuss.

"Sam and I exchanged places" she said quietly.  "I sensed his 
presence when we passed each other."

"And you found yourself in the waiting place" Al added softly.

Jenna looked up sharply, her eyes wide.  "How did you know about 
that?" she asked in a tense whisper.

"Sam told me, and I saw it for myself in the Imaging Chamber when 
we locked on to your brain waves" Al answered.

Jenna continued to meet Al's gaze without saying anything.  He 
could see the hesitation there, her reluctance to talk about, and 
therefore relive, the experience.  Al hoped that getting her to talk to 
him about it would ultimately help put the memory behind her, 
where it belonged.

"I couldn't hear the voice, though" Al continued, watching her 
reaction.  Jenna closed her eyes and a shiver ran through her entire 
body.  Al reached over and put a hand on her shoulder.  "Hey," he 
said "stay with me.  Are you okay?"

Jenna opened her eyes and looked at him again.  The terror was 
evident in her face now.  Al thought about all she had experienced 
in her life, all the danger and grief she had overcome.  What was it 
about this particular experience that generated such fear in a woman 
who had bravely faced death and exile into the past for so long?  Al 
was almost as reluctant to hear her story as she was to tell him.  His 
love for her was the factor which compelled him to continue.  
Whatever she must endure, he wanted to share.

"Tell me" he repeated.

"There is a pale light in patterns" she began in a murmur that Al 
could barely discern.  "My eyes can't focus on them or recognize any 
form.  I can hardly feel my own body."  

Al wondered if she was aware that she was speaking in the present 
tense, as though she was in the middle of the experience rather than 
describing a memory.  

"The waiting goes on and on until I think I'll lose my mind from the 
lack of sensory information."  She swallowed and tried to continue 
speaking, but no words emerged.  Al reached out and touched her 
shoulder again.  Jenna refocused her eyes on his and the vacant look 
in them receded, but the anguish increased.

"Then the voice is here" she managed in a strangled whisper.  She 
closed her eyes and began to shiver again.

Al put his hands on both her shoulders and shook her gently.  "Jen, 
look at me" Al said.  Her head flopped loosely on her neck, as 
though she were unconscious.  "Jen," Al nearly shouted, still 
shaking her "look at me.  Open your eyes and look at me." 

Jenna's head snapped forward and she opened her eyes.  She looked 
at him as though he was a stranger, or someone she had met once, 
briefly and long ago, whose name escaped her for the moment.  Fear 
stabbed into him, as real and palpable as the thrust of a dagger.

"Jen, it's me, Al"  he said.  Al took his hands off her shoulders and 
stroked the sides of her face, then held her head still so that her eyes 
were aimed directly into his stare.  "The voice isn't here, this isn't 
happening now."  He was hoping desperately that this was the truth. 
"You're telling me about what happened when you leaped.  It's in 
the past, you aren't there now.  You're right here with me" he said 
firmly.  "Do you understand?"  

Jenna nodded slightly.  She refocused her eyes on Al's, clinging to 
the reality of him.

"Can you tell me the rest?" Al asked.

Jenna reached up and took one of his hands in hers.  She held on 
tightly and concentrated on his face as she went on.  "The voice 
went on and on in my mind.  I know I didn't hear it with my ears.  It 
kept asking me if I was ready.  I wouldn't answer.  I tried everything 
I could think of to help me ignore the voice, but it was always right 
there in my mind.  All I could do was resist, say no.  I just started to 
repeat 'No' every time the question came into my mind.  It went on 
for an eternity, then everything went dark."  She stopped speaking 
and Al squeezed her hand gently to remind her where she was and 
that he was here with her.

Jenna took a deep breath and continued.  "I had thought the pale 
light was terrible, with the lack of sensation that was there.  The 
dark was worse.  I had no perception of anything, except the voice.  
It became harsh and demanding and it took everything I had.  My 
memory, my ability to think, most of my will.  All that remained 
was the voice and the only thought that was left to me, 'No'.  I must 
have repeated it by instinct, I couldn't form a cogent thought.  
Finally, the voice receded and then disappeared and there was 
nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  I reached out with what was left of 
my mind.  There was nothing to sense or touch.  I strained to feel 
anything, anything at all; even pain would have been welcome.  
There was nothing.  Gradually my strength failed and I was slipping 
away, into the nothingness."  She fell silent.

Al reached up once more and touched her face.  "You came back, 
though" he reminded her.  "What happened?"

"I was almost gone." she continued.  "Then I felt something warm.  
After all that darkness.  It felt like sunshine on my skin.  I clutched 
at it and held on.  There was something familiar about the warm 
feeling.  I felt safe and protected and some of my strength began to 
return.  Finally, I understood what was causing the warmth.  I felt 
an arm around me, a breath on the side of my face.  I was still 
confused.  The feeling was familiar, but I couldn't remember why.  
Then I heard a voice and I recognized it.  It was you.  You were 
holding me in your arms.  You asked me to come back, so I did."

Al's eyes were wide with a look of incredulity.  "You felt me.  You 
heard me" he said, as though trying to convince himself.

Jenna nodded, but did not speak.  She leaned forward and put her 
head on Al's shoulder and he put his arms around her.  

Al was amazed.  *I asked her to come back, so she did;* he thought.  
*Just like that, from the brink of death.*  He would never ask her to 
describe the struggle and the pain that must have involved.  The 
effect that effort had had on her told him more than he wanted to 
know.  There was, however, one more thing he had to ask.

"You had nightmares last night" Al said.  "Do you remember them?  
What were they about?"

Jenna raised her head to look at his face once more.  "The voice 
calls to me when I'm asleep."  

Al felt every muscle in his body tense.  He held her close again.  "It's 
all right" Al said to her.  "Don't worry, it will be all right."

*               *               *               * 

End Part 19 of  25