From: geiger@niktow.canisius.edu (Tucson Al)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k,alt.ql.creative
Subject: "A Not Too Distant Future : Part II"
Keywords: stroyory, QL/MST3K
Message-Id: <2746@niktow.canisius.edu>
Date: 22 Jun 93 21:06:00 GMT
Followup-To: poster
Organization: Canisius College, Buffalo NY. 14208
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Xref: cronkite.cisco.com alt.tv.mst3k:4507 alt.ql.creative:464

Here is part II of my little excuse for a story.  There will be a total of 5
or 6 parts, depending on whether I can come up with any good ideas for some 
host segments.  Without further ado...


		"A Not Too Distant Future : Part II"

	The sound of the Imaging Chamber door opening distracted Sam for a
moment.  Al appeared wearing a shirt patterned with various types of 
architectural motifs, mostly Art Deco mosaics, all in DayGlo colors.  Sam
couldn't tell which was brighter, the shirt or the handlink that Al carried.
Not even the darkness of the theater helped.
	"Hey, Sam!  Have I got news for you?" began the Observer without
preamble.
	"What is it?" Sam whispered.
	The robots turned in unison.  "Huh?" "What?"  When Sam didn't answer,
they went back to making fun of the credits.  
	"How come we've never heard of any of these people, other than Racquel 
Welsh?" asked the red robot.
	"Because this film was shot on location a million years age?  I don't
know, Tom!  Why do you ask that during every movie!" replied the gold robot
loudly.
	"Sorry, Crow.  It's a valid question," answered Tom.
	"Sam, you're in your own future.  Back at the project, it's August 12,
2002.  It's Monday.  Today's date for you is August 18, 2002.  Sam, it's next
Sunday," explained Al.
	"Are you sure?  I've never leaped into the future before," said Sam.
The robots were too busy making fun of the movie credits to bother asking
Sam who he was talking to.
	"Ziggy says that everything checks out.  We don't know why or how,
but you are in the future," replied Al.
	'Typical of Ziggy not to have much of a clue of what I'm doing here,'
thought Sam.  'Even a guess could be useful.'  "Okay, Al.  You go back and find
out who I am and what I'm doing hear."
	Holding up the handlink with a flourish, Al said, "Oh, I can tell you
that, right now.  Your name is Joel Robinson and you are on the Satellite
of Love.  Humph, neat name.  Wish I was here."
	"So do I, Al.  Because then I'd be there," Sam said with just a touch
of remorse in his voice.  "What else do you have?"
	"Well, you used to be a jan.  A Jan?  Maybe you had a sex change 
operation, heh-heh."  Al slapped the side of the handlink.  It squealed in
protest.  "Oh, you used to be a janitor at someplace called the Gizmonic
Institute.  For some reason or other, you got your bosses angry at you, so they
put you into a low Earth orbit and send you horrible movies to watch by means
of performing some kind of scientific experiment on you.  To get back at them,
you took apart a VCR and built robots out of the pieces."  Al paused to indicate
the robots, still tearing apart the credits.
	"Do you know what I'm supposed to do hear?" asked Sam.
	The robots looked at him as if he was from another planet, then turned
back to the movie.
	"Well, Sam.  To get back at your bosses, and to lessen the effects of
the movies, you and your robot pals, here, make fun of the movies.  I guess
that's what you have to do here."  Al pushed the button to open the Imaging
Chamber door.  He acted as if he were trying to escape.
	In a sudden flash of empathy with Joel, Sam asked, "Is Joel stuck up
here?"
	Al answered reluctantly, not having gotten away quickly enough.  "No,
Sam.  He get's stuck up here for the rest of his life.  The movies eventually
drive him insane."  Al stepped through the Door before Sam could ask any more 
questions.
	Sam turned to the movie screen to see what was happening.  A single
cavemen was being chased by a warthog across the countryside.  "I bet those
animal skins they're wearing really itch."  Said Sam, laughing half-heartedly.
	"Man, Joel, you really do need to cut down on the hat parties," said
Tom.  He turned back to the screen just in time to join Crow in saying "It's...
Monty Python's Flying Cir-cus" and humming the Sousa march.
	'Oh, so that's how it's done,' Sam thought to himself.
	The caveman leapt across a clearing and the warthog fell into a
concealed hole.  Crow, in a warthog-like voice, said, "This job's the pits."
	The lone caveman was joined by a few others.  One at a time they jump
into the pit until the warthog has stopped moving.  Then, they lift it out,
but the oldest caveman falls into the pit.
	"I've fallen," begins Tom.
	"And I can't get up," supplied Tom.
	The other cavemen leave the old guy in the pit, apparently with a broken
leg and carry the warthog off.
	"Boy, my leg hurts," tried Sam again.  He could tell by the silence
that he still hadn't gotten it quite right.
	The cavemen threw the warthog carcass down in front of the king and
his two sons.  The one of them reaches down and rips one of the warthog's tusks
loose.
	"Look," said Sam, "he's practicing to be the tooth fairy."
	"That's more like it," congratulated Crow.

	Later, the action switches to a rain swept cave.  By this time, Sam
has really gotten into his role.
	"The weather started getting rough, the mighty ship was rocked,
	 If not for the courage of the fearless crew, the Minnow would be lost,"
chorused the three of them.
	Inside the cave, a feast is in progress.  The cavemen are all eating
with their hands, grabbing whatever they want.
	"Hey, look, it's Tiny's ancestors.  You know, from ''Ring of Terror,''
said Crow excitedly.
	"Wow, they even had fat jokes a million years ago.  I'm impressed,"
agreed Tom.
	Sam couldn't think of much to say, so he tried to follow the plot of
the movie for awhile.

	As the feast continues, Tumak, one of the king's sons, gets thrown out
of the cavern.  He sets out across a desert.
	"Wait a minute," protested Sam.  "Wasn't he just in a windswept cavern
at night?  Now it's daylight out and it's perfectly dry!"
	"Uh, poetic license?" tried Tom.
	"Bad editing?" tried Crow.
	"They just didn't care," decided Tom and Crow.
	Tumak is trudging across dune after dune.
	Tom does a warbly, whistly kind of sound.
	"It's much too sandy in that direction.  My joints will freeze up.
I'm going this way.  You can come too if you want," said Crow in his best C-3PO
voice.
	"On a dark desert highway, cool wind in my hair," sang Sam.
	A giant iguana chases Tumak up one dune and down the next.  It looks
like an otherwise normal giant iguana, except that it's bright blue.
	"Look, it's ''King Dinosaur!''" shout Tom and Crow, then break into
a chorus of "Joey, the Lemur."

	Tumak crests a ridge and sees the ocean.  Several blonde haired and
blue eyed cavepeople are cavorting on the beach.  Tumak collapses before he
can get halfway down the dune.
	"Oh, no, Joel!" screamed Tom in agony.  "It's another beach movie."
	"Yeah, they even had those a million years ago," explained Sam.  "Maybe
it won't be so bad."
	"Okay, and maybe you're not really Joel.  Bite me, it's fun!" said Crow.
	"Uh, Joel, we've gotta go," said Tom.  "Could you carry me this time?
Crow's hands are cold."
	"Are not!" interjected Crow.
	"Are so!" disagreed Tom.
	"Cool it, guys," said Sam.  
	Sam picked up Tom and the three of them left the theater just as a 
scantily clad Raquel Welsh runs up to provide Tumak with assistance.



Let me know what you think... Part III features Gamera jokes and Nazi jokes
and a Tom Servo "Meanwhile..." line.

--Doug
	"I'm just a crazy special effect."
			geiger@niktow.cs.canisius.edu