From: geiger@niktow.canisius.edu (Tucson Al)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.mst3k,alt.ql.creative
Subject: "A Not Too Distant Future : Part IV"
Message-Id: <2812@niktow.canisius.edu>
Date: 28 Jun 93 10:39:08 GMT
Followup-To: poster
Organization: Canisius College, Buffalo NY. 14208
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Xref: cronkite.cisco.com alt.tv.mst3k:4671 alt.ql.creative:498

Here is part IV (finally).  Stupid newsreader.


		"A Not Too Distant Future : Part IV"

	Sam, Tom, and Crow are once again gathered around the counter top
of the Satellite of Love.  They are dressed normally, except for Crow, who is
wearing a white lab coat.  He also has a medical mirror balanced across his
rugby mask.
	"Good evening," said Crow in a really, really bad German accent.
	"Hello, Mr. Crow," said Sam and Tom.
	"No, no, no!  You two is dumpkoffs!  I am a famous doctor.  See the
white coat and the medical thingy?" Crow said angrily.
	Sam and Tom turned and looked at each other.  "Doctor who?"
	"Skip it!  I am here today to present to you my new theory," began
Crow.
	When neither Sam nor Tom said anything, Crow said impatiently, "Well,
aren't you gonna ask me what it is?"  He seemed to be oscillating between his
normal voice and the German accent totally at random.
	"What is it?" asked Sam obediently.
	"'It' is the pronoun used to refer to third-person, singular, having no
particular (or indeterminate) gender.  But that's not important right now," said
Crow.  "My theory states that dinosaurs and man did indeed coexist on the Earth.
I will now present evidence to support my theory."
	Sam and Tom watched as Crow instructed Cambot to use the Hex-Field
ViewScreen in "Groovy SlideShowRama" mode.  The first image to appear was of a
Tyrannosaur, a Brontosaur, and a Caveman lying side by side on a beach.
	"My first piece of evidence was taken from a news report titled
"Dinosaurus."  They reported that two dinosaurs and a caveman were found frozen
in the same block of ice.  Therefore, they must have lived at the same time.
Next slide please."
	The picture changed to show a group of cavemen running in terror before
an apparently foam rubber T. Rex.  "Here is a slide from the news broadcast
entitled "The Last Dinosaur," which seems to indicate that there is still a
band of cavemen living somewhere near the last existing dinosaur."
	Tom whispered to Sam, "Is it live or is it Loch Ness?"  Sam stifled a
laugh, but only just.
	The image on the Hex-Field ViewScreen changed again.  This time it
showed a Brontosaur peacefully grazing in a dense jungle.  Before Crow could
say anything, Tom began shouting hysterically.  "No!!!! It's 'Lost Continent.'
The pain!  The pain!  I surrender.  No more Rock Climbing, please!!!"
	Sam hurriedly quieted him down and Crow continued.
	"Here, as you have so correctly surmised, is a recording of the news
story about the discovery of Atlantis, the so called 'Lost Continent.'  It
clearly shows a Brontosaur existing in modern times."
	The image changed once again to show two pictures side-by-side.
"Here, it you can clearly see the destructive potential of the modern day
dinosaurs.  On the left, a slide taken from a documentary called 'Godzilla :
King of Monsters.'  See how he can destroy things simply be BREATHING on them.
	"On the right, an amphibious dinosaur called by the unthinking masses
'The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms.'  It nearly destroyed New York City, back in
the fifties, before it was itself destroyed."
	Sam raised his hand for attention.
	"Yes, Mr. Robinson?  What is it?" asked Crow irritably.
	"Well, don't you think that those two monsters were destructive because
of the way they were treated?  Godzilla had an atomic bomb dropped on him and
then people started calling him a monster.  The Beast was probably upset 
because everyone kept calling him a Beast."
	"A very good point, Joel," applauded Tom, who would have if his arms
were longer.
	"Ah-em.  Now, for my most devastating piece of evidence.  We see in
this slide a --"
	The room began to shudder violently, accompanied by klaxons and 
flashing lights.
	"Movie sign!  We've got movie sign!" yelled Tom and Sam as they slid
into the airlock and descended the chute into the theater.
	When Sam, Tom, and Crow sat down, Crow was still complaining.  "But,
Joel, I didn't even get to use my best piece of evidence: The Flintstones Files.
It would have proven my case beyond a doubt."
	"I really doubt that, Crow," said Sam.
	The movie still wasn't being shown.  The theater remained dark.
	Sam started a little as the Imaging Chamber door opened.  Before Al
could say anything, Sam spoke to Tom and Crow.  "Why don't you two go check
on the communications relays.  Maybe that's why nothing's happening here."
	The robots agreed and left the theater.`
	"It's about time, Al.  This movie is awful!" said Sam.
	"Yeah, but it does have its good points.  I mean, what with Raquel
Welsh being dressed as she is, I can think of two right now," said Al wistfully.
	"Al, you are depraved," admonished Sam.  "What new information do you
have for me?"
	"Well, Sam, it turns out that you ARE supposed to help Joel get home,"
began Al.
	Before he could get any farther, Sam interrupted.  "That's great, Al!
How do I do it?"
	"I was just getting to that.  You have to tot."  Al looked more closely
at the handlink.  "Maybe you have to have a kid with one of the robots?"  When
he saw Sam's look, Al hit the side of the handlink.  The display remained the
same.  Al lashed out to the side with the handlink.  As it struck the Imaging
Chamber wall, it briefly flashed into existence for Sam.
	The handlink let out a strangled gurgle, then began working again.
"Ally.  Ally?  Ziggy, what do you mean?  Oh, right.  Totally.  Sam, you have to
totally disrupt the scientists enjoyment of the invention exchange by coming up
with an invention at least as good as theirs."
	"But the robots have already been working on it for a while, now," said
Sam.  "Besides, I don't know how to make something out of all the mismatched
spare parts around here."
	"Well, then, just make sure that the robots' invention works like it's
supposed to," said Al.  "Oh, here come your friends.  I'm outta here."
	The Imaging Chamber door opened and shut and Al was gone once again.
	"Hey, Joel, how come we had to go and look at the comm relays?  Why
couldn't you?" asked Tom.
	Before Sam could answer, Crow interjected.  "Are you kidding, Tom. 
Joel, all alone in a dark room.  I think that says it all."
	"Yeah," agreed Tom.  "Uh, what DOES it say, Crow?"
	"Oh, well, if you don't know, I'm not going to tell you," said Crow
childishly.
	Sam motioned them to silence as the movie began once again.  The screen
showed a group of cavemen from the Rock tribe wandering through some rough
stone hills.  Every once in a while, they'd come to a sizable hill that they
had to climb rather than walk around.
	"Oh, no!  It's Rock Climbing!" screamed Tom and Crow.  "Why, why, why,
why, why?!?  Those scientists are evil, EVIL I tell you."
	"I don't think it's so bad, guys," said Sam.  "Kind of peaceful and
idyllic."
	"Yeah, well, so's death, but you don't see everyone trying THAT, do
you?" asked Crow.
	"Well, uh, actually ..." began Tom.
	"Okay.  Bad example."
	For some reason that neither the 'bots nor Sam can understand (though
they wouldn't admit it if you asked them), the king of the Rock people was
hanging from a cliff.  His son was standing over him.
	"Hey, look, it's Elvis," said Tom.  "He's King of all Rock people!"
	"Groovy," said Sam.
	The king's son kicks at the king's hands.
	"And ... I ... have had ... enough ... of you!" said Tom in his best
Captain Kirk voice.
	The king falls from the cliff and the king's son and the rest of the
cavemen just walk away.
	"Help!  I've fallen and I can't get up," said Sam.
	"Hey, come back here.  I'm not dead yet," said Crow.  "Bunch of big,
fat dickweeds."	

Coming Soon: Part V (Almost the end, but not quite.)

 		-- Doug
			"It's crazy days in downtown Buffalo..."
				geiger@niktow.cs.canisius.edu