From: Kitkin@aol.com
Newsgroups: alt.tv.quantum-leap.creative
Date: Mon, 24 Jun 1996 14:10:56 -0400
Message-Id: <960624141055_337960917@emout08.mail.aol.com>
Subject: WHATEVER IT TAKES 3/9

WHATEVER IT TAKES PART 3

   The weeks following Al's conversation with Ziggy were frenzied
and exhausting.After initially proposing his idea with only the key
technical personel that would be needed, and confirming that
Sammie Jo's theory could actually work, the plan to bring Sam
home had begun. First, additional nerve tissue from Al was
required in order to make a more substancial link with Ziggy.
Under ideal circumstances, minute amounts of brain cells would
be used, but due to the inevitable decline in the condition of
Sam's body while hooked to the life support systems, time was
of the essence.
     During the final days of preparation, while Sammie Jo, Tina,
and Gushie made the last adjustments and calculations, Al spent
a great deal of time with Dr. Verbena Beeks, the Project's
resident psychiatrist. Over the years, Al had come to enjoy
Verbena's company very much, as long as it was not on a
professional level. Al never liked the idea of someone trying to
'tinker around' with his thoughts. When he thought about it, he
supposed it was due to having been a POW in Vietnam. They
had violated and tortured his body, and his mind had been his
only escape. He just didn't like the idea of that being invaded as
well.
    The two of them usually always got along and saw eye to eye
on most things, except on the subject of how to handle the '
visitors' that popped into the waiting room to occupy Sam's body
for a while. Verbena Beeks, being a doctor, always prefered the '
kid-glove' method, knowing how delicate their mental states were
apt to be at that time.While Al on the other hand, was more of
the direct approach type. In fact, there had been moments, when
Sam desperately needed answers that only the guest in the
waiting room could give, and Al had come very close to
threatening bodily harm to them if they didn't tell him what he
wanted to know. Verbena might be the doctor, but Al was all
Italian, with hand gestures, intense emotions, and a fierce
devotion when it came to his friend.
    Dr. Beeks had asked him to come by her office and talk with
her before he left, and while these last preparations were going
on, it seemed like a good time to do just that. Inside the small
office, with  her desk in between them, Dr. Beeks sat
statuesquely, gazing almost cat-like across at Al. He shifted
uncomfortably in his chair, crossing his legs first one way and
then the other.  Finally, Al turned to look directly at her. With an
exagerated shrug, and in a voice that was almost a shout, he
asked, "What?"
  "Take it easy Admiral," she said putting up a long graceful hand
in mock defense. " I was merely speculating."  Al's eyes
narrowed as he leaned foreward across the desk. Cocking his
head slightly to one side, he asked, "Speculating?"  Suspicion
was creeping into his voice, as this visit was beginning to take on
a ' professional ' quality. "About what?" he continued.
    "Oh, about what would drive a man to do such a thing as this
for another." She stated in her lightly Jamaican accent, as her
eyes locked onto Als'. He immediately shifted his eyes away,
and sat back in his chair. There she was, tip-toeing around in his
head, looking at this, sifting through that, in short, invading. Dr.
Beeks noticed the reaction and knew she had ventured
unintentionally, into no-mans land. She decided to take an
alternate route, and unfortunately  had no way of knowing that
this was a bad detour as well.
   "How's Beth taking all of this?" she asked with quiet concern.
He looked up at her, wanting to say, "How the hell should I
know? Since I sneaked out of our room a few weeks ago, and
have been avoiding her ever since, just how the hell am I
supposed to know!!?" He then shifted again to prop his elbow on
the arm of the chair, and then rest his chin in the up-turned palm.
At first, he just seemed to be considering how to answer, then
his eyes drifted, as if in a much deeper thought.
    It was true that he had made very little contact with Beth ever
since he had hatched this plan, but it wasn't outwardly apparent
that he was purposely avoiding her. With all of the meetings, and
planning and preparations, he hadn't spent much time on
anything, much less anyone else. Last week, however she had
located him in a back office while he was alone with Ziggy, going
over some notes She had given him the space he had needed in
order to concentrate, but now she felt the time had come for a
talk.
    Al looked up as she stood in the doorway, then watched as
she turned and locked the door. His heart ached, as he thought
about the pleasant activity that once would have been suggested
by that one small action. He still loved her, but there were too
many blank spaces that he had not had the pleasure of filling in
with her. Al knew that for Beth though, everyday and everything
had happened, so for this reason and for all the hell he had put
her through when he was MIA, Al played his part.
   Before he could think of an opening line, Ziggy beat him to it,
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Calavicci."
Beth responded with a sigh, " Hi, Ziggy." Walking over and
pulling up a chair, she sat facing Al, who despite his mixed
feelings at this point, smiled as she took his hand.
  "Sorry I've been kinda scarse lately," he offered lamely."it's
just...." Al trailed off and found that he couldn't meet her eyes
with his. Taking his chin in her hand, Beth turned his face to her
own and forced his eyes to co-operate.
   " Al, I know that this is something you feel you have to do, and
no matter what," there was a slight pause, as she struggled to
maintain her emotions, " I know you're going to go." She finished
sadly. Suddenly, Al had a strong feeling of de-ja vu, that at least
part of this conversation had taken place before.Then it came to
him, the time he told her he was going for that stupid second
tour of 'Nam.
   His brows knit together at the bitter memory, and how it  had
ended with Beth in tears."God, how could I hurt her and leave
like that!" He scolded himself silently. He  hoped that when the
tears came this time, he would handle it better than he had back
then. He soon found out this would NOT be necessary. Al could
see the threat of tears shining in her eyes, but none fell. He also
saw, that Beth's eyes contained no anger or bitterness at all,
only a strong sense of ... was it self-preservation?
    Regaining her control, she proceeded, "Sam's been too good
of a friend for you to just desert him, I understand that, and in
fact," she said with a half-hearted smile,"I guess I wouldn't
respect you as much if you didn't go. But Al, I can't just sit here
and wait for you this time."
    Al's eyes must have widened considerably as he heard these
words, because Beth's reaction was one of immediate and
sympathetic apology. "Oh honey! I didn't mean it THAT way. I'll
still BE here for you, just not HERE for you." She emphasized
'HERE',  with a gesture of pointing with both hands to the spot
she was now occupying . He knew that she was actually
indicating the intire Project facility itself.
  " W-Where?" Was all he was able to manage as he got up and
walked over to a table littered with papers, and began distracting
himself with their contents. He knew that for her, on this time-
line, she had waited while he was a POW, and had been home
when he returned. But the only memory Al had was of how she
hadn't, and this was hitting just a little too close to home.
  "I just thought I'd go spend some time in California, with the
girls." Beth said from where she still sat.  Al's stomach began to
twist itself into a splendid sailor's knot, as Beth's words
resumed,this new assault on his sanity." We havn't seen them in
a couple of years, and the last time I called, I said that I'd try to
visit soon."
   When he didn't reply, and only seemed to engross himself
even more in the papers, Beth assumed that he was not in
agreement with her decision. Determined to make him
understand her point of veiw, she continued, "I'm sorry Al, I'm
just not able to do what Donna's been doing for what,... five, six
years now. As they say, I've been there, done that. I just need to
be away, with the kids this time." she paused, and when there
was still no reply, she added in an almost pleading tone, " My
ride leaves for the airport in a couple of hours, and I thought..."
   The tears were once again creeping into her voice.
Concentrating his focus on a  sheet of computer print-out in his
hand, which he had randomly extracted from the clutter, Al now
turned from the table, in what appeared to be an attempt at
finding a better light source with which to read it by. With his
back now turned completely to Beth, waving his free hand in a
somewhat distracted movement, while his attention remained
focused on the page in his other hand, Al finally spoke.
"Uh,..yeah,...you're right, you go ahead. I'll see ya when I get
back." And after a moment, almost whispered, added,"Say hi to
the girls for me."
    Whispering was all the better he could do at the moment.
Ever since she had mentioned 'the girls', Al had felt like he had
taken one of Sam's flying kicks right in the gut, there simply was
no air left. He hadn't even known they had kids for cryin' out
loud! What else was there that he didn't know, damn it, WHAT
ELSE!!? Of course, Beth had no way of knowing the agony he
was now going through, or what she had said to cause it. To her,
she saw a husband who was too caught up in his own agenda to
really hear what she was saying.
   Before her hurt could turn to frustrated anger as it had in '66,
when she almost divorced him, Beth rose, turned,and walked out
of the office. The paper in Al's hand began to tremble, and
fluttered, forgotten to the floor, as he found his way back to his
chair at the table.  He put his head down on his arms on the
tabletop, his emotional energy spent from having to hold
everything in.
   Sensing that until now, it would not have been a good time to
resume their conversation, Ziggy had remained silent. Now,
wondering if the admiral had dozed off, as humans were apt to
do from time to time, Ziggy called out, "Admiral Calavicci, we
have unfinished business to attend to." A pause.
"Admiral."..............

   "Admiral?"....."Al, are you all right?"..."Al" Verbena gently
shook his shoulder, and eventually it reached his blank
expression. The lights began to come on once again in his eyes,
as he drifted back from his unpleasant memory. It had only been
a brief minute in actual time, but the mind had a way of re-
playing a memory in what seemed to be slow motion.
   Realizing that Dr. Beeks had asked him something, but not
remembering what, only that it had triggered this little lapse in
real time, he suddenly shook his head and looked apologetically
in her direction. "Sorry Verbena, what was that?" Looking
worried, but not wanting to slip into professional mode for fear of
Al clamming-up all together, Verbena said, " I merely asked what
your wife thought about all of this."
    Not missing a beat this time, he said, "Oh, sorry, she's
uh..gone to spend some time with the kids in California."
   "And so, she's o.k. with all of this then?" Verbena probed
gently.  In a tone that sounded more like he was trying to
convince himself, rather than her, Al answered, "Oh yeah, sure.
She's a tough cookie when she has to be."
   Seeing that there was much more to it than Al was letting on,
but realizing that more than anything else, right now he needed a
friend, Verbena placed her hands over Al's resting on the
desktop. Giving them a gentle squeeze, she answered, " I
know."
    It had been a long day, and Al was grateful to finally call it a
night.The long talk with Dr. Beeks had ended o.k. but it had also
dredged up thoughts of that last encounter with Beth. He
reflected on that now as he settled back in bed. He should have
comforted and reassured her. He should have held her, or at the
very least, kissed her good-bye. Hell, he should have made love
with her, she WAS his wife after all! Screwy time-line not
withstanding damn it, that was Beth, and he'd blown it BIG
TIME! ..........again.
   Not wanting to linger on that subject, he thought now about
how the final briefing with Sammie Jo and the others had gone
tonight. It had started out normal enough, very serious and
business-like, but after a while, Donna had come in with a cake,
and the whole thing had turned into a party. "A going away party"
Al supposed with a weak smile, and then as an after thought he
added to himself, " I just hope there'll be a coming home party
too."  Tomorrow morning he wanted to stop in and see Sam
before stepping into the excellerator chamber. He shivered
involunterily at that thought. Placing his arm over his eyes, with a
weary sigh, he said aloud, "Please help me do this." and drifted
to sleep.
..............................CONTINUED IN PART 4......................