From: livengoo@bcvms.bc.edu
X-From: rkwong@engin.umich.edu (Roberta Chi-Woon Kwong)
Newsgroups: alt.tv.quantum-leap.creative,alt.ql.creative
Subject: "Leap of Faith" part 10/11
Date: 7 May 1995 21:53:03 GMT
Message-Id: <3ojffv$s1s@srvr1.engin.umich.edu>

This is being posted for the author, who doesn't have access to
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This story is also currently appearing in alt.tv.x-files.creative.

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-----------------------------------------

>Subject: Leap of Faith 10/?

Leap of Faith 10/?  Posted 4/15
 
Okay, I'll do my duties and read you the rights.  X-Files,
Scully, Mulder, and all the FBI paperwork property of Chris
Carter, Ten-Thirteen, Fox.  Sam Beckett, Al Calavicci, and the
Quantum Leap shop and crew all property of Donald Bellisario
and Bellisarius Productions.  This slime mold of a story
copyright livengoo, real name available as needed.  No profit,
no cash, just a lot of fun to write.
 
Now, all you Quantum Leap canonical types listen up.
Auntie Goo needs to talk to you.  The rest can skip this part.
I've been getting mail from the REAL Leap fans trying to set
me straight on how the leaps work.  I appreciate it, you're
right as far as the show goes, but let me confess it right up
front, I'm a Quantum Leap heretic.  I was willing to suspend
a whole lotta disbelief in the interests of a fun show and
drooling at Scott Bakula, but lets face it.  Unless the guy
Leaped with a whole wardrobe or projected a field that
created unstable molecules he could never fit those high
heels or outfits.  I have therefore used the leaping psyche
premise of the novels (Holy Leapin' Psyches, Batman!), which
has the additional benefit of letting me toss some six foot guy
into a situation where he has to learn to operate within the
limitations of a five-two woman.  Fun!  If it doesn't work for
you Quanta is a very good crossover within the show's canon.
If it does, have fun reading!
 
Oh, and a big thank you to the person who threatened to feed
me to my disc drive and modem me to alt.tv.brady-bunch if I
didn't pick up the pace.  Now THAT is some threat!  Made
my day!
 
Let me warn you folks up front.  There is a lot of not-funny-at-all
stuff in here.  It's only fair to warn you.  Nothing explicit.  Just
not comfortable to know.  You probably have tougher systems
than I do, but I didn't feel right posting without warning you.
 **************************************
 
"Listen, Scully.  There's only one unbreakable rule.  You
can never tell Sam *anything* about Project Quantum
Leap.  Not room sizes, not names, nothing."
 
"I don';t see what it would hurt for him . . ."
 
"That's just it."  Al cut her off.  "You don't see.  None of us
does, except maybe Ziggy.  We figure he forgets because
it's dangerous for him to know.  Look," he stopped her in
the middle of the hall.  "Your partner's always pushing
and you know how dangerous that is.  ONE of you has to
follow the rules, because they're there for a reason.  I
figure that's you.  Please trust me on this.  We made
these rules because, if there's a reason Sam Leaps, there's
got to be a reason for the rest of it, too.  Bad enough
you're on the spot with me.  Please, please, follow the
rules."
 
"You sound like me, arguing with Mulder.  Alright.  As
long as I never have to dress like you, I guess I can
follow your rules."
 
"Hey, what's wrong with my . . ."  The door next to him
opened and the small, round-featured woman who had
first greeted Scully eyed Al quizzically.
 
"I would not suggest you finish that, Admiral."  She
smiled a welcome to them both and lead them through to
her office, a nest of caribbean-print cloth and deep, old
leather furniture that lulled Dr. Beeks' visitors.
 
"Verbeena," Al was trying to sit forward on the soft edge
of his chair, trying to stay crisp and controlled.  "Look,
Sam's gotten into trouble none of us saw coming.  The
UFO's come and gone, I don't know why but they left
Mulder," - "I know why."  Ziggy's arrogant tones, coming
out of thin air, were jarring.
 
Verbeena turned brown eyes on the ceiling, where they
tended to assign Ziggy a place.  "I thought you weren't
going to snoop in my office anymore, Ziggy."  She sounded
like she was reprimanding a child.
 
"You can explain it later, Zig."  Al turned back to the
psychologist.  "Look, the kid's freaked out and Sam
doesn't know what to do.  I think Ziggy can grab his
records from his hometown, can you pull them together
and give us some idea what to do next?"  Verbeena
nodded and turned warm eyes on Scully.
 
"Where does he come from, Dana?  What can you tell
me so I'll know where to start?"
 
Scully wondered when she'd become 'Dana', and why she
didn't mind.  Verbeena was a lot like the furniture she
chose, warm and colorful and deceptively soft.
 
"You'll have to go to Chillmark for that."
 
Verbeena nodded.  "We know a bit about his sister.  Bad
as that is, I don't see it causing anything as severe as the
dissociative trance Ziggy and you say he's in."
 
Scully shivered.  "You're right.  His sister's only the most
obvious thing.  There's a lot more and a lot worse.  I don't
have the details, he doesn't talk about it, but I'm pretty
sure his father battered him.  Repeatedly."  Scully drew a
deep breath.  This felt like betraying a trust.  "I have no
idea if he's gone into this before, or why or anything
else.  He's never done this with me.  You'll have to track
his records to find out.  Maybe you'll find something
there to help."  She looked back at Al.  "Until she does,
I want to be there.  Mulder trusts me.  I don't want
Sam playing guessing games if he starts to come out of it."
 
Verbeena raised a hand, stopping them both. (How does
she *do* that?  Too bad she never went military, she'd
make admiral in half the time.)  "I want you to tell Sam
some things."  Quiet, soothing tones.  "I'll look into this
and see what I can find.  Sam needs to get both of them
someplace safe and warm.  Try to get some sedatives,
antihistamines, something to make him sleepy, into your
partner."  She was watching Scully.  "He needs to sleep
right now.  If he knows he's safe, he should come out of
it.  If not, we're in real trouble.  Try to get him to eat
something.  Does he have any favorite foods?  Or do you
wear a perfume he likes?  A familiar scent might help
him feel safer.  Now go on, I've got work to do."
 
Scully and Al found themselves back in the hall before
they'd even registered the polite, pleasant dismissal.
 
Al checked his watch.  "She's got a point."  He wasn't heading
for the Imaging Chamber.  Scully snared his
faux-zebra lapel and hauled him back.  "You heard her,
she wants us to tell Sam.  NOW.  You can look after your
stomach later."
 
"If I never married you, Scully, how come you sound so
much like one of my ex-wives?"
 
******************
 
"Sam?"  Was that Al already?  Sam opened grainy eyes
and groaned as Scully's neck registered twinges of pain.
Like falling asleep on your books on the dorm floor.  Deja
vu, all over again and it was bad enough the first time.
 
"Sam,are you here?"  That foggy, quiet voice was NOT Al.
Sam sat bolt upright.
 
"You still with us, Mulder?"
 
"Scully?  Sam was here.  I heard people talking to her,
but she won't answer them.  Dad always told her not to
talk to strangers."  He might be awake but he was
definitely not firing on all cylinders.  Sam waved a hand
in front of his eyes to get his attention.  Nothing.  Okay,
first things first.
 
"Mulder, look at me.  What do you see?"  He wasn't sure
what he expected.  Mulder's eyes were not focused
anywhere Sam could relate to.
 
"It's dark in here.  Somebody's flashing colored lights, I
think."  Geez.  The eyes didn't bother Sam so much.  He'd
expected some damage to the retinas after getting hit
with such bright light, but Mulder should have been
reacting a lot more.  This was not normal behavior.  Talk
about spooky!
 
"Sam!"  THAT was Al.  Sam turned around.  "Sam," the
hologram looked around the back of the truck.
 
"Sam?  Where!?"  That was Mulder.  Sam looked back at him.
Oh, boy.
 
****************************
 
Sam spun back to shush Al with his hands.  Whatever was
going on, it wasn't going to help if Mulder could listen in on
Sam's "imaginary friend."  Mulder had managed to find Sam's
arm and was feeling around him with the other hand.
 
"Scully, help."  He sounded desperate, half frantic.  "I'm only
seeing shadows, where's Sam, she's got to be here, who's
talking to her?"  Al and Scully were staring, too shocked to
say anything, thank god.  This was bad enough as it was.
 
"Mulder, calm down."  Sam grabbed his wrists.  "It's me,
Mulder, it's Scully.  It's just you and me here, you . . ." what
was he going to say?!  (You're hearing Samantha because a
UFO knocked you silly?  The army injected you with LSD?
You've finally gone around the bend?)  "Look, I know it's
scary.  You've got to trust me."  He was holding still, listening
to her.  Now what?  He looked at Scully for inspiration but
she looked even more scared than he felt.
 
He took a deep breath and made stuff up.  :"Mulder, we saw a
UFO.  It had crashed, the army was guarding it.  Something
must have happened.  I don't really remember what they did.
There was a lot of light, that's why you're only seeing shadows.
You're eyes will get better, but they were injured."  Okay, so far
so good.  "Whatever they were doing, you got hurt.  We're in a
hum-v, hiding.  We're up in the hills somewhere, I got us here,
but they'll be after us.  You have got to pull it together," he heard
the frightened note in his own voice.  "They're going to be after
us and I need your help.  Please stay with me, please."  Mulder
was listening, Sam really didn't know if the man could pull out
of this, but he was listening.
 
"Sam's not here?"  His voice was shaky.  Sam felt his guts twist
with sympathy.  He pulled Mulder into his arms, and just held
him.  He didn't know if Scully would have, didn't care if Al was
going to make cracks.  Nobody human should leave another
person alone with what he heard in Fox Mulder's voice.  "I'm
going crazy.  I kept hearing voices."  Mulder's voice was muffled
against Sam's shoulder.  "They kept talking to Sam."  He sounded
desolate.
 
"It's alright, I promise you.  You're not crazy.  It's not you."
What else could he say?  He glared at Al over Mulder's shoulder.
Scully's face wore an unreadable expression.  He couldn't explain
this.  Telling the truth was so tempting.  If anyone would believe
him, it would be Mulder, but if it didn't wipe Quantum Leap out of
existence, it might wipe Mulder out.  Right now, telling him a thing
like that would be likely to completely knock him off whatever
moorings he had left.
 
Al was waving and making little gun motions with his hands.
Sam took a flying guess and inferred that the army was tracking
them on the ground, and they needed to get moving.  Leave the
hummer?  He considered it, but Mulder was way too fragile for
an overland hike right now.  They'd just have to leave tracks and
bank on speed to keep them ahead of the game.  Sam tightened
his grip on Mulder's shoulders, then pushed him back.  "Look,
partner.  We have to get out of here.  The army is still after us,
and you don't want them catching us.  You can ride up front with
me, this time."
 
He smiled faintly.  "I was riding in the back?  Then no one hit
me?"  Hit him?
 
Sam nodded, then caught himself.  "Yes.  You're going to be some
interesting shades of purple when all that shows up."  Sam helped
him down and lead him around to the passenger seat, belting him
in.  Mulder followed well enough, but still seemed far away,
dazed.  Little wonder.  The only people who snapped out of
something like this to full function were on TV and the movies.
Sam was grateful that Mulder was even moving, much less able
to follow what was happening.  Al and Scully sat between them,
actually overlapping them was a better word for it, and Al pointed
the directions the handlink gave him.  Neither one spoke.  Sam
missed them, but breathed a sigh of relief when they finally
winked out.  Somehow, having them silent was worse than not
having them at all.
 
***********************
 
"What the hell was that?!"  Al cringed, even though he'd been
braced for Scully's first words.  "Why did he hear us?  What's
going on, you told me Sam was the only one . . ."
 
"Almost, I said almost!  Kids and animals see me too.  Don't ask
me why because I*DON'T*KNOW!  Maybe your flaky partner's
discovered his inner child."
 
"Don't you say a word about Mulder."  The voice that wasn't
Sam's was low and dangerous.  Scully was feeling the strain of
being a helpless bystander.  It was so hard to just watch.  She
didn't know how Mulder had stayed even slightly sane when
she vanished, if this was what it was like.
 
Ziggy broke up what could have been an ugly fight.  "Admiral,
Agent Scully, Dr. Beeks has asked for you."  The computer
sounded arch.  Scully and Al pulled in their claws, and headed
for Verbeena's office.
 
She met them at the door, wearing a controlled look that Al
hadn't seen before.
 
"Please, sit down.  I gather something's changed."  She looked
like she had something on her mind, but was stalling it.
 
"You can say that again."  Al was still agitated.  "The kid's
awake, but now he's hearing US.  How can we help Sam if he
can hear us?  What is it with this guy?  No wonder they called
him 'Spooky'"
 
Scully turned on him.  "I told you once," her voice was low
and very dangerous.  Verbeena cleared her throat.
 
"I understand that you both feel . . . anxious.  Please.  This is
not going to help either Dr. Beckett or Agent Mulder.  I think I
know when he learned to go into this trance, and I may know
why he's hearing you."  She had the undivided attention of both
of them.
 
"Ziggy was able to access the emergency room records for
Chillmark Hospital between 1960 and 1978.  Fox Mulder
was seen six times between 1960 and 1964, for broken bones,
 a dislocated shoulder, and contusions.  The records indicate
household accidents for each injury."  Verbeena's voice was
bitter, angry.  Between 1964 and 1972 he was seen less often,
only once every year or so on average.  After 1972,"  she took
a deep breath, and Scully watched the muscles twitch in her
jaw.  Scully's felt ill at the implications of her partner's records.
"After 1972," continuted Verbeena.  "He was admitted for
psychiatric care, was treated for concussion, broken ribs,
broken arm, repeated beatings and injuries.  Each time he
was released to his parents' care, and household causes, or
other children, or accidents or sports were recorded as the
cause of injury."  She was forcing her words through
clenched teeth, furious and ill at what she had learned.
 
She looked up at Al and Scully.  "I don't doubt he knew
how to go into this trance before he was five.  If I could,
I'd make certain the doctors who treated him never practiced
again."
 
Al sat stunned, his cigar forgotten in one hand.  Scully's eyes
were closed tight as she drew breaths to calm her churning
stomach.
 
"Why didn't the police or his doctors get him out of there?"
Al was appalled.
 
Verbeena's laugh was very bitter.  "Think of the time, Admiral.
Spare the rod and spoil the child?  The nuclear family?  And
this family had some standing in the community.  I imagine a
lot of people had some idea, and turned a blind eye.  Even his
mother may have ignored the abuse for fear of becoming a
target herself.  This was a father's perogative until much, much
later.  Children were the property of their parents.  It was
normal.  The only thing out of the ordinary was that Mr. Mulder
lost his temper a little more and 'didn't know his own strength.'"
 She stopped to try and regain her composure.
 
Scully looked up, pale.  "I knew he'd been beaten.  I suspected
he'd been abused pretty badly.  He has so many of the traits
for it, but how could anybody ignore that."  She was pinching
the bridge of her nose, frowning to stop the threat of tears.
 
Al cleared his throat.  "Look," his voice was softer now,
carefully modulated.  "I wish Sam had leaped a long way
back.  I wish he could have stopped what happened.  But
he didn't, and we need to know how to snap Mulder out of
it."
 
"You can't 'snap him out', Admiral."  Beeks' voice was all but
expressionless.  "You've said he's awake.  That's good.  As he
realizes he's safe, he should come out of it on his own.  As to
why he hears you . . .  I always thought animals and children
could see you because they had no expectation that they
wouldn't.  They don't defend against the unknown.  Agent
Mulder is very, very receptive right now.  The only defense
he's using is retreat."
 
Scully half smiled.  "Mulder's normally open to anything under
the sun.  Why didn't he hear us before?"
 
"Not that open.  Nobody adult and, well, normal, is that open.
He's quite normal most of the time, for those purposes."
 
"Look, if the kid's so receptive, maybe we should just go ahead
and appear!  We could talk with him, keep tabs on him."  Al
seemed pleased at the simplicity of the idea.
 
"NO!"  Verbeena was on her feet, alarmed.  "He thinks he's
hearing voices as it is, Admiral.  Do you want to push him
right over the edge?  That is the worst idea I've heard from
you, ever!  If you have to juggle things, you do, but you don't
talk to him, and if his eyes get better, you be careful not to
appear.  If he makes the connection that he can reach his sister
by dropping into that damn trance on his own, well."  She left
the sentence unfinished.  "Whatever you do, you do not talk
with him."  She looked exhausted, eyed them.  "Go talk to Sam.
I couldn't find anything but his sister that really helped in his
childhood.  And we can't afford to play that card.  We might
lose him forever if we tried that."
 
*****************
Sam tooled along, whistling 'Chitty-Chitty-Bang-Bang' and
enjoying the experience of not being shot at.  Mulder dozed
in the passenger seat.  Sam thought it was probably the most
 sleep he'd had in ages.  Hell, maybe they'd even cure his
insomnia this Leap.  There had to be easier ways to do that.
 
They'd come perhaps forty miles from the grotto since early
that morning.  The sun was mid-afternoon high, and the
occasional chopper drifted overhead, shadowing the forest
underneath.  Sam had pulled over twice already, freezing like
a frightened rabbit, as choppers searched from the sky.  He'd
ducked the motion detectors that way so far, but they would
be out of fuel by evening and Sam still had no idea how to get
them to safety.  They'd be too obvious on a road, and he didn't
know who to avoid in a town.  He badly needed Mulder's
guidance.
 
Sam slid forward to change gears, pushing the clutch with a
toe.  He sent a mild curse for the military height limits that
put the seat so far from the pedals.  Didn't they know short
people might have to drive these things?
 
"You need to be sitting on a phone book!"  Al's voice made
Sam jump, and he just pulled aside to avoid a tree.  Mulder
had sat up, alarmed, and Scully was glaring at Al with her
hand clapped over his mouth.  The small man waggled his
eyebrows in apology.
 
"Look, I need to take a break, and you could do with a stretch
too."  Sam pulled over, trying to get his heart to calm down.  He
might get used to the hologram popping in one day, but it hadn't
happened yet.  Mulder, thankfully, seemed to be chalking Al's
comment up to background noise.  Sam found a sheltered spot
under thick trees and parked.
 
"I'm going to get out, I'll stay where I can see you, don't
worry."  Mulder nodded, willing to accept that.  Sam wandered
off far enough to talk without being overheard, and watched as
Mulder got out of the cab and carefully went through what
looked like a series of runner's stretches.
 
"Sorry about that, I'm not used to having to use hand signs."
Al sounded contrite.  "The kid any better?"
 
"A little.  He told me a lot about England this morning.
Apparently it made a big impression on him.  He claims the
lousy food was perfected as an attempt to discourage
Napoleon from invading, and it just caught on."
 
Scully's smile was small, but relieved.  "That sounds more
like Mulder.  He's never exactly normal, but that sounds
pretty close."
 
"I don't know, he's still pretty dazed.  What did you learn?"
Al and Scully looked at each other.  Al sighed, and did the
hard part.
 
"Sam, it looks like he was probably pretty badly abused as a
little kid.  Beatings, mainly.  It got a little better when his
sister, Samantha, was around, then worse after she disappeared."
Sam took these things even harder than Al.  His worst Leaps had
been for child-abuse cases.
 
Scully took over.  "He's already coming out of it on his own.
There aren't any code words or quick fixes, but keep talking to
him.  Umm, I know."  She smiled.  "When I was about eight, I
went camping with my class, and one of the kids thought frozen
dinners were the same as freeze-dried.  You can dress that up
and tell it to him.  Or tell him that Melissa used to forge our Mom's
signature on school notes and when Mom really wrote one herself,
Sister thought it was the forgery.  He'll love that, he'll never let
Mel live it down."  She grinned at the thought.  "He's never talked
much about anyone but his sister in his family, but I think he
feels kind of adopted by my Mom.  That should help."  Sam was
nodding, and feeling a sad flash of homesickness.  He must have
stories like that of his own, when would he get to tell them again?
(Thanks, rodent!)
 
"Two things," he tried to shake the mood.  "Are either of you
allergic to anything?"- "Besides poison ivy?  No." - "And has
Ziggy figured out what I need to do now?  Aliens aren't going to
snatch the guy, and we've solved the missing persons case.  Am I
supposed to get us away from the army, or retire to a desert
island, or what?  I could really use some guidance here."
 
Al glanced at his handlink, but didn't seem to really need what
it told him.  "Right now it looks like you're supposed to make
sure most the the chips in the guy's motherboard are working
again," Scully's hand tightened on Al's shoulder until he winced,
"and see that both of you get back to the Bureau in one piece."
The handlink whined.  "If you can get Mulder into therapy it
would probably be a good thing, too, but it looks like you're
mainly babysitting."
 
Scully looked distinctly sour.  "I wouldn't call it babysitting."
She looked at Sam.  "The army has wiped his memories in the
past, and we're not sure but what they didn't have something
to do with my disappearance.  Then there are the Men in Black."
 
Al and Sam both looked at her.  She looked unhappy.  "We really
don't know who they are, except that they are working within
the government.  They've sabotaged a couple of our investigations,
and nearly killed Mulder at least once that I know of.  I really
don't know if they'll show up, but you need to keep your eyes
open.  Just watch for anyone who looks like a movie villain and
that's likely to be them."
 
Sam couldn't believe what he was hearing.  "How many enemies
have you people made?!  Can't you get along with anybody?
What do you do, go looking for people to piss off?"  This was
too much.  Sam combed his fingers through his hair and looked
back at Mulder, who leaned against the hummer, looking towards
Sam.
 
"Al, you remember all my Leaps.  No secrets, just tell me.  I'm
never getting out of this, am I?  These people are so screwed up
I'm never getting out of here."  His voice was climbing, even
Mulder had heard him and was looking roughly in his direction.
Sam drew a shaky breath and tried to get some control.
 
"Look," he glared back at Scully.  "If you want to turn over
hornets' nests, fine, but I've got to get you and your partner
out of this one, whatever it is.  Could you please go figure out
what I need to do so I can do it and get out of here?  Because I
really do think this must be the most complicated, weird,
uncomfortable Leap I've ever done.  I can't even remember the
others, and this one is so strange it's got to be the worst."  Al was
chewing on his cigar and trying to calm Sam down by patting the
air.  Mulder was picking his way towards Sam, working carefully.
"No offense, but I just want to get out of here and back to nice,
normal, murder plots and whatever."
 
"It's okay, Scully."  Sam didn't know what Mulder was getting out
of all this, but now he was making an effort to be soothing too.
The FBI man looked worried, nervous.  Sam shook his head.  It
wasn't the guy's fault if he was a weirdness magnet.  It was Sam's
own fault he was here.  He sucked in a breath, held it, and let it
out.  A nod to Al and Scully, "It's okay, Mulder.  I'm just a little
tired and keyed up.  We probably need to get moving again."
 
"Scully," Mulder had leaned in close and seemed to be looking at
Sam, although he was sure the man was still only seeing shadows,
"Who were those people you were talking to?"  Sam felt the world
twist.  "I mean, you were talking to somebody, I'm sure I saw two
people and heard them.  Do they know where Sam is?"
 
Sam looked desperately over his shoulder at Al and Scully.  Al
was standing with a finger frozen in mid-stab at the handlink.
Scully was white as a sheet, watching them.  When he flicked his
fingers at Mulder's eyes, not a blink.  He was still seeing flashes
and shadows, so what was going on with the holograms?
 
Al shifted his cigar to the other corner of his mouth.  "Verbena's
gonna have my guts for breakfast."  The two of them winked out.
Mulder stared where they had been, and swallowed.
 
"You know Scully , if I weren't sure I'm still dreaming I'd be
really, really nervous.  Don't pinch me.  I don't want to know
about it if I'm awake."
 
 
Please send mail!  I love hearing from you guys. And, to everyone who
took mercy on my ftp karma and sent stories, may the demons of stupidity
never infest your disc drive and may you be delivered from the bypass mode.
livengoo@bcvms.bc.edu or, if they're still fumigating my main e-mail
address, here at my e-home away from home.