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"The Great Spontini"
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Cut Scenes: In the original version of the script, dated August 9th 1990, a lot of the patter during the opening act differs. Elaine is specified as having 46D breasts. The initial meeting with the judge also has Steve challenging Sam to remember Jamie's clothing size (Al comes to the rescue late to advise she's a size 12). In the Spontini mobile home, Jamie insists that getting the Table of Death routine to under two minutes is vital to winning the show. Al introduces the new handlink as "Ziggy two, the revenge, new and improved" (and later the stage directions refer to it as Ziggy II). Mrs Futrell is called Mrs Zoeller, and Jamie and Zoeller have a bit of talk while Jamie escapes (this is replaced in the transmitted version with more heart to heart between Maggie and Jamie). Al bemoans the fact that children were often placed with mothers after custody battles. Two lines of exposition as Maggie and Sam drive to rescue Jamie are missing, seemingly dubbed on after production. Al doesn't call Steve a butthead as he does in the finished version. |
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| [The very
beginning of the first act.] -- begin cut --> [The opening shot of the audience is about 2.1 seconds longer.] [Jamie rolls out the sawing-in-half box.] Jamie: Harry, the saw. Sam: Ah. Saw. [Turns around looking for it.] [Jamie gets in the box. Sam exits stage left. The audience looks on. Sam emerges from stage left with a saw and flinches from the sharp edge.] Jamie: Harry, what are you doing? [Sam pulls out a handkerchief, but it's a trick handkerchief that just keeps on coming.] <-- end cut --- Jamie: The head. [Lies down in the trick box. Sam slides the neck divider in place.] Turn me around.
[Near the beginning of the second act. Sam, Maggie, and Steve are in the judge's chambers.] Steve: These photos will demonstrate the need for temporary placement of the child in Mrs. Spontini's custody as soon as possible. -- begin cut --> Sam: Photos? Al: Yeah, the shark hired a dick to follow you. I warned you. Sam: [To Al] I don't want to hear it. Judge: I'm afraid you'll have to, Mr. Spontini. <-- end cut --- Judge: May I see those, counselor?
[Still in the judge's chambers. Steve challenges Sam to remember Jamie's birthday. The handlink is only just getting around to the previous question about Jamie's school record.] Steve: Perhaps you can recall a date? Al: [Under his breath] A date ... [Beats frantically on the handlink] Mm. -- begin cut --> Al: Ah, oh, here, ah, ah, ah. Ah, ah, she attended Tedford School for -- naw, no. [Beats on the handlink some more.] <-- end cut --- Al: Mm. Uh oh. [The handlink whines down.] I think I killed it, Sam. Sam: Um, I have, I, I've never really been very good with dates, um, and birthdays.
[In the Spontini trailer bathroom. End of a conversation between Sam and Al after Sam has spilled Aqua Velvet aftershave lotion when Al surprised him.] Sam: Al, maybe if your mom thought she had a chance she would have come back. -- begin cut --> Sam: [Leaves bathroom. To Al.] Maggie made a mistake. I just want to give her a chance to fix it. Jamie: [Overhears] You're losing it, Harry. [Sam puts on his jacket. Jamie fans her nose.] Ohh, you're just supposed to wear that stuff, not drink it. Sam: Well, I, I had a little accident and uh .... You ready to go? Jamie: No. <-- end cut --- [Exterior Maggie's house.] Sam: It's a great house. Jamie: Yeah, if you want to live with Wally and the Beaver.
[Near the beginning of the fourth act, in the cutaway from the courtroom.] Maggie: [On the witness stand] Well, I left so that I could complete my education, get a job, and provide a stable home for my child. Steve: Something your husband could never do. -- begin cut --> [Cut to Al watching Jamie try the "Table of Death" trick.] Al: Now -- <-- end cut --- Al: Jamie, uh, uh, uh, just stay lying there and don't touch anything, don't do anything and -- why am I talking when she can't hear me? I gotta get Sam.
[Sam and Maggie are racing in the car to get to the nightclub to save Jamie.] Al: Look out for the kid on the bike! [Sam slams on the brakes. The cyclist rides on unharmed.] -- begin cut --> Sam: [To Al] Thanks. Maggie: I didn't do anything. [Al disappears. Sam drives on.] <-- end cut --- [Cut to the club. Jamie knocks her tote bag over and it activates the "Table of Death" mechanism.]
The syndicated version of the shot in which Maggie tells Jamie and Sam, "I'm really sorry I put you through all this mess. I hope that someday we can be good friends again," is about .1 second shorter than the network version.
The network closing credits consist of clips from the episode, which run for a few seconds and are then freeze-framed with credits. The syndicated closing credits eliminate all the moving footage and just use the freeze-frames with the credits. The syndicated closing music is shortened to fit. Clips: Jamie emerges successful from the sawing-in-half trick. Elaine puts the moves on Sam. Al kills the handlink. Sam pulls out a magic bouquet for Maggie. Sam rescues Jamie from the Table of Death. |
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